


The hearts that never strayed

by Epselion



Series: Dear Death; I love you [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Assassin AU, Blood and Gore, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:36:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8274731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epselion/pseuds/Epselion
Summary: It has been six years since they parted. Ben Solo is dead... Gone. He is Kylo now, but even Kylo is alone. He misses the man he loves. Six years without seeing even a glimpse of each other. There is only the Old City, a book waiting for him every week, a sign that Hux is alive and still his. It hurts, the loss... And it isn't enough. He imagines so often what it will be like to finally see Hux again. But when he does, it is not like one of those dreams at all.





	1. A breath of the past

**Author's Note:**

> IT HAS BEGUN!!! Part two is going to happen. I hope that people aren't disappointed with the age increasing. This story will give them a whole new dynamic together and new challenges- I hope you will all keep reading this to see those changes happen :)

“It will pass.”

Ben had held onto it... Those words, he had let them sink into his skin and soul. He had tattooed them over his heart when he started to falter in believing them. They had been spoken a lifetime ago, it felt like that anyway. Hux had been gone for six years now. Six years, it was... So long. He thought the pain would go away, then he had thought he would outgrow it when he’d grow up... But no, nothing would ever compare to his Bran, nothing would fill that immense gaping hole that was just sitting there. He had not seen him since the day in the Citadel, not a single look. There was no word either, nothing. But every week there was a new book laying on the table of their place in the Old City. It was the way Hux let him know that he was alive and well. Ben would always take them with him and replace them with the one from before. It was a thin line to hold onto, and it was not enough. He needed more, and he was never given that.

He had failed his promise though. He had not stayed in school and he had not been good. He was like Hux now, but not to the Order. His master did support the Order, but their unit was not sworn into the First Order, nor did it interact with any of its assets. The Supreme Leader had mentored him. He was now a Knight of Ren, a private army of seven warriors, meant to protect the interests of the Western Nations. But Hux had always been right... This life was hard, full of pain, abandonment and loneliness. He had never been more miserable, but there was no going back. He had embraced his new life. Ben was dead, Kylo Ren had replaced him. The only tether that remained was his books in the old city and his memories of his ginger soulmate.

Kylo sighed. He couldn't help his mind lingering to those good old days when he had nothing else to think about. He tried to avoid this though, because he would still feel that a piece of him was missing. It was harder on those days when he didn't have a mission to focus on. Speaking of those; Kylo had just finished his last mission. It had been an easy job, he didn't even need a day to complete it; his target unknowing and easy to access. In and out, a clean stab, back before dinner-time… Too simple. He wondered if Hux would know about his new way of living. Probably not. The Supreme leader had made sure they would be anonymous to everyone, even to each other. That was the reason he had made all of his Knights wear the masks, so no one would be able to recognise him by face. The masks instilled fear, a faceless entity- Some people even questioned if they were human at all. A powerful weapon, even among their arsenal of actual weaponry. These helmets were as much part of their strategy as any other of their skills and tools.

His leader was a strange man. He was often cloaked, keeping to his dark room in the mansion they used. It was a big one, far outside the city's dense core. Kylo was not sure what to think of it, just like he had not been sure what to think of himself the first months. His mother had become unbearable. She would look at him and reprimand him for loving Hux. She found out that Ben had known about Hux’s life, and she had been furious that he still loved him when he knew. So when the Supreme Leader found him he was angry and sick with loneliness. Hux's absence left him without a voice of reason and he channelled his pain into working for this strange man that offered him sympathy. It was made to look innocent at first, the man asked Ben if he would keep an eye on people that his mother talked to, if he could print some records for him. He always seemed honest and just, like he wanted to help the world- Like Hux did. Then Ben was asked to take these people to places, where they would be subdued and taken by one of the other knights. When he had first killed one himself, his master had renamed him Kylo Ren, saying he was new- That he was revived. And he had chosen to believe him, because being Ben had become a pain that was too raw too bear. Only Hux remained. Ren loved him, dreamed of him, cherished him. He would be 24 now, grown up... Kylo was grown up now too. He had grown out of the awkward limbs and skinny frame. He was strong, tall... Dangerous. He set the mask down on his table and looked at the mirror shortly... His eyes still told tales... He knew. It was like Hux had always said. They said so much, too much... That was why the steel covered them- That and his entire face too. Kylo was a lethal, unforgiving machine... The man under his robes was almost forgotten lately, even by himself.

Kylo let his fingers slide across the cover of the book that had been left for him in the old city. He had finished reading it the day before yesterday. Reading was the thing he did most when he had some free time, but only when he received another book from Hux. It made him feel closer to his beloved somehow. Kylo pulled a strand of his hair behind his ear. He had let it grow a bit longer over the years. He remembered that Hux had loved the way it flowed, the unruliness of it, so he had let it get longer- Not too long- Just longer… So Hux would have more to run his long fingers through… Someday.

Kylo got up and let himself fall on the bed at the other side of the room. The moment he became a Knight was the moment he got this room, his own place in the mansion. It was a lot bigger than Hux's room in the Citadel, which was a cramped little box if he was honest. The Supreme Leader wanted his Knights to live well, wanted them to feel that they were taken care of. It was not a life of luxury though. Despite the size and comfort of it, his room was very plain and simple. He did not need much- He did not have much worth owning anyway. The First Order was different from this too... Kylo knew that. They seemed like a system, a unity. Kylo did not even know the faces of his fellow knights. They did not even speak to him. He thought that being this entity would strengthen him, and in a way it had. He was harsher now. He had not cried or sniffled anymore in a long time, he did not miss his mother, or his family, only Hux. He had thought about visiting the Citadel and meeting him there, but he was embarrassed. He had become this thing, and he could not stand it if Hux would look at him like he had betrayed him.

He sighed and opened the book that Hux had left for him, flipping through it to get back to the page he'd marked. It was no use, his focus was gone. He knew the story already- The suspense was dead now that he tried to read it a second time. So instead he chose to find his Master. It was late, but he would report his mission anyway, if the Supreme Leader was still there of course. He sighed when he clicked the mask back in place, knowing that he was supposed to wear it all the time. Only when his Master told him to remove it he would.

As he strode to the conference room at the back of the mansion he was surprised to hear a commotion. There was yelling, loud yelling. His Master never yelled, and the other voice was un-morphed. The Knights' masks always changed their voices, making them unrecognizable. But despite the fact that Kylo could not hear what was said he could tell that it was probably not one of theirs in there with the Supreme Leader. The doors swung open, and someone stormed out, paces long and fast. Kylo stared, nailed to the ground at the sight of red hair and a pale face. He was different... So different... But it was him. It was his Hux. The other walked past him, looking at his masked face before his own twisted into something akin to pure contempt. He didn't say anything to Kylo, just let out a huff and continued taking his leave.

Hux worked with his Master too? Kylo watched Hux leave around the corner, nimble hands slipping a coat on without slowing his stride. He looked positively enraged by whatever had happened in that room. But none of that mattered- He did not care for the situation… This was the first time in all those years he had seen him. He wanted to run after him, hug him, do anything, but he couldn't. He couldn't show Hux this... This thing he had become. Kylo wondered belatedly why he had been here though. Never had he seen someone of the First Order talk to the Supreme leader. He knew the Master supported the Order, but did they work together now? Kylo shook his head. If they did it was a strained collaboration indeed. No use letting his mind wander about it. He would only know if he would be told. He took a breath and turned back to face the door he walked to. He felt rattled, like had been pushed back a few years into being Ben rather than Kylo Ren. It felt too familiar, the connection between them. He swallowed thickly and shook his head. The image wouldn't leave, the hatred on that face... He stepped into the Supreme Leader's conference room and bowed his head.

"Kylo Ren..." His thin voice spoke. "Just who I wished to see."

Kylo slowly walked towards him.

"I am sure you saw my previous appointment leave." The man continued.

Kylo nodded, trying to avoid speaking since he would not trust the sound of it, even through the modulator in his helmet.

"His name is Elan Brendol Hux, he leads the First Order."

Kylo raised his head and regarded his Master.

"Unfortunately, the General has been a little too forward. He no longer wishes for my involvement with the Order."

Kylo clenched his jaw. Why would Hux get so angry with his Master, why would he cut him loose if his support was something that the Order would need? He was positively enraged by whatever they had discussed.

"The First Order is a very important asset in our plans. I cannot have their leader take that away from us. You have become my most promising Knight. I will trust you to take care of this little bump in the road. Do not underestimate him though. General Hux is a tough opponent."

Kylo’s eyes grew wide. It was a good thing he was wearing the mask now. His Master asked this of him? To kill- To murder Hux, like a target… Stick a blade in him to keep their interests alive- Their opponent, enemy. The Master handed him a tablet, the screen betraying it was generic, only containing a few important folders, the rest uninteresting.

"You can find everything you need to know on there."

The Supreme Leader pointed at the tablet.

"Read it thoroughly, know him thoroughly. Such a thing will be your only hope at making a discrete kill out of this."  

He turned back around to sit down on his chair.

"That is everything I have for you now. Do not return to me until you have made your move- And do not move until you know you will win."

He motioned with his hand that Kylo could leave the room. Kylo bowed lightly and walked outside with the tablet in his hand. The mission he got, he had never failed a mission before- Which was why the Leader put his faith in him… But how could he complete this mission? He could never- Kylo walked back to his own room. What would he find on the tablet? He closed the door and slipped the mask from his face, this time not bothering to set it down where it belonged. Instead it fell to the floor with a heavy thud and rolled on the side a bit- Kylo paid it no heed. It felt too sweaty everywhere suddenly, feverish. How... Why... Hux was his target now. His kill to make. He had never been so blindsided in his life.

His fingers were shaking when he opened the files on the tablet. He knew a lot of this already, Hux's family information and history...  Although he could read now that apparently he did finish school, went to Harvard even of all places. Kylo inhaled sharply, this was not right. He was not going to kill Bran! He kept reading though, there was a lot there that told him what Hux had been up to the last six years. The Stormtrooper programme his father had been so adamant about had been merged into the First Order, which made it a force that was not to be messed with; an army of clandestine killers. Nobody really knew how big it truly was- Not even Snoke. He sighed a little. Hux was no longer a boy, he had grown into a leader, a mastermind without match. The Order was no longer underground, it was the private army of the Western Nations.

The current Emperor had Hux in his ranks as advisor, even if it was unofficial and unknown to most media. It at least helped keep the peace. The Supreme Leader was thought to be a good friend of the Emperor’s inner circle too... But now he wanted to take out its most important asset. His Master was good to him... Surely there was a reason for all this... He could fix this, clear Hux's name and reconcile them. But first he would then need to face Hux, and he had no idea how that would go. He sighed and put down the tablet. He thought that he had been doing this to help the Western Nations in becoming a better place- No, he still believed he did.

Kylo walked to his bed and let himself fall down on it, letting out a frustrated huff. Running away wasn't an option anymore. He needed to face Hux and talk to him, even if he would be disappointed. His life could depend on it- So Kylo knew he had to find the guts to meet him, soon too. It would be easy to meet him by just waiting in the old city until Hux came to leave another book for him, but somehow Kylo didn't want to taint that place that way. He would find him by the Citadel, no doubt, if he kept his distance, he would be able to tail him to someplace quiet- So that they could talk. Hux needed his help; maybe more than the times he had been injured and shaking under Ben’s hands.

Kylo lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He felt weird, more of Ben was seeping back in, the insecurities and the feeling that he knew oh so little about the world. Hux was the only one that seemed to always understand things. He sighed a bit and grabbed the tablet, looking at the pictures in the files. Hux had changed too. The roundness of his face had sharpened, his brow was more pronounced now, strong, in some constant state of frown almost. Time had made something more feral of him. He had lost the soft side... At least it very much seemed so. But he too kept going back to the Old City... For Ben. Despite of all the things that had changed them they both kept coming back... Waiting and hoping.

Tomorrow he would see if he could start tailing Hux carefully. It was already getting late, so Hux would probably be at work in the Citadel. If he led the Order, that place would be his home now. It would be nearly impossible to get in there without being seen. The whole place was crowded with trained people- Especially now that those Stormtrooper ranks had been integrated. Kylo shook his head. He would start tomorrow and find a way to get to Hux when there were no eyes to see them. A moment and place they could talk alone and Kylo could make sure Hux wouldn't storm off as angry as he had seemed earlier that day. Or worse, somewhere where Hux wouldn’t kill him before they would even have a chance to speak to each other. He closed his eyes and let the sleep take him away.

It was a fitful sleep. Kylo had never slept well since he embraced this life, he either had weird dreams of the death that surrounded him or he did not dream at all. Those latter ones were often nights he spent on drugs, pills that eased his head. Tonight he woke up three times at least, twisting on another side to sleep on, stubbornly ignoring the unease in his gut. When morning came he was up early. He needed to find patterns in Hux's movements. He would start near the Citadel, try to make himself scarce and look for a sign of Hux, then he might try the estate, see if he still lived there. And well, otherwise he might see to find Phasma, find out if she was still with Hux so he could ask her to point him in that direction. He looked at his mask and sighed. He did not want to wear it, not to see him... But he would have to, too many risks were attached to not doing so. Kylo grabbed all his gear and got ready. After seeing how Hux reacted to him yesterday when he was wearing the mask, Kylo still didn't like to put it on, but he did so nonetheless.

He knew the way to the Citadel like the back of his hand. He had walked it numerous times, telling himself that he would see Hux that day; turning around halfway every time, but this time he would really go there, all the way. At least close enough to be able to observe whoever would be going in and out. Kylo chose a good vantage point when he arrived; one from where he could overlook the whole area/ It was actually quite nice sitting in the shade from a nearby building, his robes were thick and the sun was out, so this way he wouldn’t feel cooked to death by the end of this. It was still quiet around the area, the Citadel hadn’t expanded visibly on the outside. It still looked like a long forgotten land-mark of a different time, lost in an empty field of concrete and broken walls… But he knew what lay below that sad building- He knew what was going on inside. Kylo wondered how long he should sit here, how long he would have to wait before he would see anything worth seeing. Maybe there was nothing to be seen here, maybe he had missed Hux coming into the Citadel- Or missed him going out… There was no telling for sure. He just didn't want to miss Hux when he changed his location to one near the estate Hux used to live. He could only just pass him by, but not see him at all. No- He best stay here, and wait.

He sat there like a statue, eyes trained on the subway-station. Yesterday Hux had worn something very similar to the uniform that Kylo knew from years ago. This one had been different though, it had more stature. It had evolved with Hux, gaining a sense of importance, more protection, sleeker lines, better fabric… More eye for detail and design. It was more sophisticated than his foot-soldier uniform- It was a set that belonged to a leader- A figure of authority. Hux had come far in the Order, Kylo could tell… It was just like he had always known Hux would be- Strong and intelligent- There was no better fit for such an organization’s ringleader.

He sighed a little and looked up when he heard the telling slam of the latch that closed off the access to the Citadel. Hux was alone. No others, nobody travelling along with him. He was in suit, keeping his head down as he walked off with purpose, phone pressed to his ear as his other hand held onto a pricy looking coat. Kylo sighed out, this was going to be his best chance- Who knew when next Hux would be alone. He got up slowly, stretching the strain out of his limbs, wanting to make a 100% sure he would be able to call on his skills if needed.

He lowered himself from the building he had used to stake out the Citadel and kept his eyes on Hux. He waited until the other walked into one of the many alleys. He wondered where he was going, not that it mattered. Kylo started walking, making sure to keep his distance and stay in the shadows. He wasn't sure when the right moment would be, but it had to be before they got to the larger streets. It wouldn’t be private enough there, too many eyes could see them. He watched Hux turn another corner and quickly rushed towards it before he would lose the man. His red hair was distracting, moving while he was walking, a light bounce to the strands that were combed back to the base of his head. Ren wanted to touch it, hold him close. Everything he had felt six years ago was still there, but it felt so much more intense… Fuelled by a deep and dire need to have him back.

Kylo shouldn’t have allowed for the slip in his focus, a rookie mistake- He had made himself too obvious, especially for a trained fighter like Hux. Just as he snapped his attention back Hux turned sharply, moving right for the jugular. He saw a fist moving towards his face and just managed to dodge it. Hux was still as fast as he knew him to be, striking for weak spots without a blink of hesitation. The blade was out too, trying to hit Kylo at places that his own uniform did not protect. Kylo parried his strikes. He had never sparred with Hux in those months together six years ago, but this actual fight... It made him second-guess his training. He only barely managed to block his attacks. Hux was trying to kill him, really kill him. He was so fast. There was a kick, landing in his stomach, knocking him back. He groaned and fell on the floor, scrambling to pull up his defences. Hux struck again and he caught his hand just before it could get close to the exposed skin under his mask.

"No!"

He hated the sound of his morphed voice at the moment- It did not sound right.

"Bran! Please!"

Hux stilled, blade still out, wrist still in Kylo's fist, even though the pressure relented significantly. He seemed to twitch, looking at the helmet with panicky eyes.

"Don't say that... Who told you to call me that?!"

Kylo grunted when Hux used his free hand to punch him in the ribs.

"Let me take off the helmet. I can explain... Please."

Hux pursed his lips a bit, knowing he could push the blade through now that the other relented some grip. He would only need a quick jab- The other’s reflexes would never be fast enough… And yet he did the opposite He sat back a bit, taking his knee from Kylo's other arm where he had pinned it. Kylo slowly reached up to his head and unlocked the helmet before sliding it off, making Hux gasp and shake his head.

"No... No... You promised it to me..." He sounded pinched. "You promised... You-"

He looked at Kylo's face.

"What have you done?" Hux’s voice tapered off breathlessly.

Kylo looked away. The look on Hux's face was worse in real life than he had pictured it would be. There was so much less anger in there, and so much more despair- Shock. Those pale eyes wide, almost making him those six years younger again.  

"I-...I just..." Kylo stuttered. "I-I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just.... It was bad at home. I know that's not an excuse, but..."

Kylo watched Hux retract the brace around his wrist, shakily putting the coat back over his arm. He looked odd, eyes glazed, jaw clenching- Flabbergasted. He didn't want to disappoint Hux, but he really knew that he had and that hurt his heart. Kylo slowly sat up straight again, setting the mask down next to him. He couldn't bear seeing that expression on Hux's face, that open sort of shock and hurt- Not even capable of hiding it. Hux sat there for a moment before he put his hand on Kylo's cheek, thumb under his eye. He almost sobbed a bit but swallowed it away with a curse.

"Ben..." He mumbled. "I'm so sorry..."

He sighed.

"This is all my fault."

He took in a deep breath and lowered his head, hand slipping away.

"I made you into this... I wanted better for you and I could not protect you from it."

Kylo inhaled sharply and looked at him with wide eyes. How- How could Hux blame himself for it?

"Bran-"

"No. Don’t- Don’t call me that. Bran is dead. I had to let go of that... He was a child... It's just Hux now..."

Kylo frowned a bit. For him Hux was still Bran, just a change of name wasn’t going to change what he was to him… Just like he would forever be Ben, deep down somewhere. But if he chose to go with Hux, Kylo would respect that.

"It's not your fault."

Kylo looked at Hux, even when the other simply scoffed and shook his head, and loosely grabbed his wrist.

"It's no one’s fault but my own."

Hux looked at where his hand sat around his wrist… Physically connected again. How long had it been since he last felt his touch? He had longed for Kylo’s touch, his warmth, his smiles. Hux looked back up at Kylo. He felt guilty, that he had set things in motion that corrupted the only thing in his world that hadn’t been rotten to the core yet. Ben was no longer Ben- He never would be again.

"If I had known this I should have just taken you with me to the Order. I would have sheltered you- Trained you myself."

Kylo shook his head.

"No, you made the right decision. It was for the best. You had good faith in me- I know that you just wished for me to go on with a normal life. I wanted that too. It was just... Some things happened, and I was weak then, I was lost. You weren’t there to guide me, and I took the wrong road."

Kylo took another deep breath.

"But however much I enjoy seeing your face again- Hearing your voice again too… God I missed that. I need to tell you something. It's important."

Hux nodded, shaking himself out of the last remnants of his stupor and stood, brushing his hands over the fabric of his suit. He wore them even better now, Kylo could definitely tell. It looked more tailored and fit better than the ones he had seen Hux wear before, Hux managed to fill them out now, no longer too narrow and skinny for some parts. He still was a bean-pole though- But a masculine one at that.

"Before you start though… Do you- Are you aware who you work for?" Hux asked him.

Kylo frowned a bit at that.

"I have seen the Supreme Leader many times, he personally mentored me. He oversaw my training every step of the way and he helped me to deal with the backlash of-"

"No... Ben..."

"Kylo Ren- Or well... That's what I go by now. Just like you- I had to change."

Hux swallowed a bit.

"Ren then... Do you know WHO he is? His identity."

Kylo finally made it up to his feet as well, wiping at his clothes, belatedly realizing that he was getting cold there on the street.

"I know him as Master... Why does it matter?"

Hux inhaled deeply and sighed out.

"It's Snoke." He murmured. "I found out yesterday. It was- I couldn’t believe it for the longest while… But it is true, there is too much proof. It’s him. No doubt that he sent you to kill me before I can wheedle him out."

Kylo blinked a few times, looking at the back of Hux's head and then at the ground, trying to grasp the thing he had just heard.

"You killed him." He protested. "You said-"

"I was certain too." Hux interjected. "But this time he played us. I let him. I made it too easy."

Kylo shook his head. He felt he was laughed at again, by someone he trusted. Someone he had put his faith in, when he needed them. Kylo put a hand over his face and let out a crazy sounding laugh. Hux turned around and looked at him, worried. He knew it might be hard for Kylo, to get such a bomb dropped on him- Given that he had found his stability in Snoke of all people. He had turned to the one that had torn them away from each other.

"Then everything I did, all the good I thought I did, was for that man?"

Kylo leaned against the wall behind him, somewhere between crying and laughing maniacally.

"He knew exactly how to play his cards right." Hux sighed.

"I'm so stupid. He knows everything. I gave him so much information on the Order… On my mother… On everyone with power."

Hux shook his head.

"He knows a lot, but not everything."

Kylo grit his teeth and huffed.

“Pray tell, what does he NOT know?”

Hux smiled thinly.

"There is one benefit." He mumbled. "He does not know about us. He never did. It is the one blind spot that broke him up time and time again. He doesn’t know what you mean to me, and hopefully what I mean to you."

He sighed then and embraced Ren.

"You've outgrown me." He said when he noticed the slight height difference.

It was two inches at most, but just enough to be noticeable, just enough that Hux had to stand on his toes to lean his chin on Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo smiled and put his hand on Hux's waist.

"Yes. It appears I have."

He shook his head and looked at Hux's face, cupping a hand over his cheek. Six years of change and yet he could still find all the features he loved.

"What do we do?" He asked.

"You are not going to like it." Hux mumbled, stepping back. "I'm going to kick your ass. So that you can report to Snoke that you failed and he will buy it."

Kylo sucked in his cheek. He had never failed. Failure was not an option, he kept going until he achieved what he needed, nobody had bested him- Ever.

"And if it's any consolation you can hit me back."

Kylo shook his head.

"No! I've seen you in pain too often already! I don't want to be the cause of it."

Hux hummed a bit and they both fell quiet. It had been so long, yet the trust was still unconditional, their bond too.

"We need to." Hux said then. "We can meet in the Old City... Where we used to... I will bring things to tend to the wounds we need to afflict. Snoke would smell trouble if I would come away without even a scratch."

He sighed and looked in Kylo's eyes, a bitter determination hardening his face.

"For the greater good Ren." He said softly. "Only ever for the greater good."

Kylo smiled lightly.

"Indeed."

He sighed a bit and stepped back a bit.

"What are you waiting for? I might change my mind, so let's get on with it."

Hux took a small breath.

"For what it's worth I'm sorry I have to do this."

Kylo shook his head.

"I know you would not do it if we had another choice… Same goes for me of course."

He waved his hand and let out a huff.

“Whenever you’re ready.”  

Hux nodded grimly, tightening his fist and swinging at Kylo hard as he could. Kylo hissed when the first hit landed in his stomach. This was going to hurt. He knew it had to be bad, because his Master, no- Not Master- Snoke, would never believe Hux to go soft on someone. So he let Hux beat him, kick his ass. After a few punches Kylo found the resolve to hit him back. He knew that he would have to, if Hux walked away unscathed it would look like bullshit, Kylo was trained too after all. He did not pull punches, even at the sound of pained groans. Hux’s treatment of him the same. Eventually he had left a solid set of bruises on Hux and one set of dark finger-marks around his neck. He knew that there were cuts and slices too, parts of the suit ruined with bloody stains. There was no damage to Kylo's face, Snoke would need to think he'd kept the mask on. Eventually Hux rammed him against the wall and huffed.

"This will hurt." He apologized before stabbing the blade in Kylo's back, avoiding the vital organs with calculated precision.

Kylo cried out in pain and pushed Hux off before slumping back a bit.

"Augh... That's- That's enough." He whimpered. "We both- We’re both ruined enough."

Hux straightened and nodded, absently touching the strangle marks Kylo had left on his neck- He could feel them when he swallowed… Kylo was strong.

"You need to flee back to the Citadel." Kylo said. "And I to Snoke."

He grabbed the helmet off the ground and dusted it off a bit, groaning at the sore joints it rattled. Hux chewed on his lip and nodded.

"You have to come to the Old City tonight... Promise me."

Kylo nodded wordlessly, pressuring the wound in his back.

"I promise B- Hux... I'll be there."


	2. A familiar kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beuh... I am so sorry. My people, forgive me. It is not that I did not want to upload or continue... But the deadlines, the application for internships... The fucking STRESS ABOUT LITERALLY LIFE. I was so swamped and it was too much and I just couldn't do it. Anyway, I think it's getting better now, so I found some time. I still won't be fast though, my sincerest apologies. My RSI is playing up again and it needs rest so I will be writing when I can be writing. Also, for the tender-hearted among us... The chapter after this will be NSFW. Be warned.

Kylo pushed himself off the wall and started walking. He hadn't felt this bad since maybe his first trainings. Hux had apologized, profusely so, but Kylo had assured him time and time again that it was okay. This had been necessary- Unavoidable. He too regretted the way Hux limped when he walked off, the dry cough he tried to suppress from the hand that had choked off his air-supply for a moment. They had both hurt each other- But their consolation was that they would have each other to soothe those aches later. Slowly, he made his way back to Snoke, feeling like a kicked dog more than anything. His robes felt heavy on his shoulders. They were probably drenched in his own blood by now, the wet spot on his back still expanding. It took him quite some effort to get himself back inside the large mansion, feeling woozy when he finally got there. First he needed to report to Snoke, then his wounds would get the care they needed. He dragged his feet when he came to meet Snoke, knocking on the doors. His Master called him in and he entered, trying to walk straight. The moment he was in he could see Snoke's face contract into a snarl.

"You failed." He hissed.

Kylo bowed his head and nodded.

"I am sorry." He said. "It was as you said... He was too strong for me."

Snoke stood, looking at him with his twisted face. Kylo had always wondered about the scars his Master wore, now he knew that it had been Hux's doing, from the fire he had set to Snoke's house.

"You FOOL!!" His Master shouted, voice bouncing off the walls. "You have alerted him that he is targeted!"

Kylo swallowed and turned away his face.

"Did I not say to you to handle this delicately?! Did I not inform you that we NEED to keep influence over the First Order?! The general will take it away from us now, no doubt that he knows who sent you!!"

Kylo felt his stomach coil. This was still his mentor, and he felt a kind of stab at his anger. He knew that it was empty words, that this man should mean nothing to him from now on… But the six years he spent under his care were not forgotten so easily.

"Patch your wounds while I try to mend your utter disgrace!"

Kylo gave Snoke a small nod and let himself out of the room. He felt dizzy. He wasn't sure if that came from the pain of his body or the emotional beating he had dealt with today. He dragged himself to his own room and let himself slip to the ground when he had closed the door. He would probably be disowned now. He wondered how Snoke was going to make this right. Whatever he said Hux would know one of his Knights tried to kill him. Maybe he was going to say one of his Knights had gone rogue, that he would cut Kylo loose to prove a point, maybe he would let the other Knights kill him for it. Not that it really mattered anymore. He was going to protect Hux first.

It had been a miracle to see him again. Kylo couldn't await until tonight when they would have the time to really talk again. He needed to take care of himself first though, or he would never have the strength to make it to the Old City. He came to his feet and slowly peeled off the black robes he always wore. It was a second skin, hiding all of him inside them. There was no flesh visible between the layers, not even near his face. It was a kind of anonymity that made him seem like a ghost. He had always liked it, it allowed him to be nobody and feel nothing. Now they felt dirty though, they proved his broken promise... His fault, even if Hux blamed himself for it. He had allowed the corruption to take him in. So this time he was happy to shed the clothes off to bathe. He needed to clean the small wounds and tend to the one on his back. And then he could wrap that in bandage and prepare to leave. He would need different clothes... He hadn't been out in normal clothes for so long... He didn't even know if he still had something that would fit.

Kylo walked to the bathroom that was adjacent to his room, the door falling back in its hinges when he pushed it back. All the rooms had a small bathroom attached to it, every single one in the mansion. This was mostly because of the anonymity each of the knights had to keep, Kylo figured, separated at all times so that they would never form a bond together. Snoke was probably afraid that if they would bond, they could decide to get rid of him at some point- He would be paranoid like that. Kylo turned on the shower and studied his wound in the mirror, as he had expected from Hux the stab was clean and precise… It just needed rinsing out and stitches… He would ask Hux to do those for him tonight. Showering had to do for now to keep going until he would be in the Old City. It would be too hard to reach it for further care with his hands.

He took a quick shower to let all the blood wash away and disinfected his wounds as well as he could. Afterwards he dried himself and tried wrapping the one in his back. He had learned to take care of these things quite early on in his training. His Master was not one for the soft touch, and he often found the other Knights beating him up in some form of training. He needed to learn to defend against them, and when he couldn’t it was punished without mercy. After the wounds were wrapped he managed to fit into an old black t-shirt and a pair of sweat-pants that were barely fit for him. They hung high over his ankles and his thighs almost strained in the fabric. It would just have to do for now though. He was not going to show up to Hux in those goddamn robes. They had no place in their haven. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. He was still afraid, even if he knew that Hux still loved him. It would be weird, talking, seeing each other again. But even more than he was scared Kylo was keen to see him again, hold him again, inhale his scent. He wanted to know if it was still the same; honey and oranges… He still remembered that vividly. He sighed and straightened. The moment the dark would set in, Kylo would go to the Old City and find Hux there, at long last.

He grabbed the book he had brought from the room in the Old City the last time he went there. He wondered if he should take it and hand it back to Hux in person this time. He looked out his window. The sun was setting, but it would at least take another hour before he would be able to get away. Nonetheless Kylo got up and grabbed a simple jacket he had hung in his closet, that too strained to keep his shoulders in, but it was survivable. He had trouble with the waiting if anything. It was downright torture… The sun creeped down too slowly, and there was nothing to distract him from it. When he thought it was dark enough to risk it Kylo left his room. Carefully he checked, as always, if no one had seen him or was following him before quickly picking up the pace towards the haven where Hux would be waiting. He wound through the quieter areas of the city until he found the entrance Hux had shown him years ago. He slipped through and walked to the old library, smiling when he saw a bit of light from one of the windows… Hux was there. When he got up to their room he was therefore not surprised to find Hux there already, sitting on the rug in his underwear, heating a needle over a candle that he used to stitch a mark that Kylo had left in his arm. Kylo sighed and closed the door.

"Hey..." He said softly.

Hux turned his head slightly, not enough to actually see him though.

"Hey." He replied. "Just in time to help me with this, my left hand isn't as good at this as the right one."

Kylo smiled lightly and sat down next to Hux. He accepted the needle and focussed his attention on the wound. It brought back the memories of that night he had to helped Hux with his first big injury. He had gotten a lot better at all kinds of small medical tendencies. Carefully Kylo stitched Hux’s arm until the wound was closed completely.

"I hope I didn't hurt you too much." Kylo said as some kind of apology.

He still felt guilty he had to do that to him. Hux shook his head and dabbed away the last welts of blood. He sighed and looked at Kylo. His face had bruises on it, and the hand-mark on his throat had darkened significantly. But Kylo knew it just looked bad because of Hux's pale complexion, but that did not make it any better. He was wearing a dirty white top and some black briefs... They were slightly bloody from their brawl, that too only added to his guilt over his actions

"You did what you had to. I stabbed you." Hux insisted.

He grabbed Kylo's hands and sighed.

"What about you though? Are you okay?"

"The back-wound could use a needle and thread."

Hux smiled ruefully and nodded.

"Alright, let me see." He said. “I’ll take care of it.”

Carefully Kylo took off his shirt. He let Hux unwrap the wound. The feeling of Hux's fingers on his skin was still the same, something he wouldn't forget, even if it was fifty years before he would feel it again. Hux looked at Kylo’s skin with some discomfort. It had more marks on it, signs of what he had been through. Hux pursed his lips and cleaned the needle. He had wished not to see these things on Kylo of all people… He had been so smooth and unmarred- New and untouched. Hux held the needle in the fire for a while, until he was sure it was safe to use it again. Just as careful as Kylo had been with him he tried to stitch the other’s wound. As long as the it wouldn't get infected it would be fine. When he was done Hux put the needle down on the table near him. Kylo still sat with his back turned to him, so Hux wiped away the blood that oozed from the fresh mark and then rewrapped it with a clean roll of bandage. It was so much like the first night that he had taken Ben here, when the silence had seemed to drift them together. It was there again now too, the silence, a faint noise from the flames near them, their breaths and a soft ticking of the rain- But nothing else. He sighed and kissed Kylo's shoulder absently.

"I've missed you." He whispered. "Like a limb was amputated from my body."

Kylo hummed happily at the softness of Hux's mouth and the warmth in his voice. He sat up a little straighter and lifted an arm, reaching behind him until he touched Hux’s hair, then buried his fingers in it, letting them slide along the ginger strands without a word. He brushed Hux's hair out of fashion knowingly, his free hand taking hold of both of Hux's own hands as they laced together over Kylo's stomach. Hux was leaning against his back with his forehead, taking in deep breaths as Ren continued to card through his hair absently, arm craned only slightly backwards to touch the softer hairs in the back of Hux's neck.

"It's okay. I'm back." Kylo mumbled. "We're not leaving each other again."

Hux didn't react, only tightened the arms around his chest.

"You don't have to keep me safe anymore." Kylo continued, his other hand running over Hux's laced fingers. "It's okay..."

Hux sighed against Kylo’s back, his eyes closing as he took in his warmth. It was calming to feel those fingers carding through his hair. It was more soothing than anything in the world, it was a touch that nobody else had- One he would not allow from anybody else. They sat like that for a while; only feeling each other’s company, getting used to it again. Hux softly placed a kiss on Kylo’s neck when the other ran his thumb over the edge of his ear. Everything still felt the same and the tension Kylo had feared wasn't there either. There was only some form of sweet peace- Together.

"How did it go?" Hux asked softly, his voice breaking the silence almost reluctantly.

"Not as bad as I had imagined. He is going to take care of my failure somehow. He said he would."

Kylo shrugged a bit.

"Hmm." Hux simply answered, tilting his head a bit. "We might need to watch him then."

He softly placed another kiss in Kylo’s neck. Kylo smelled different from Ben, he had to conclude. Ben always smelled like very strong deodorant from some supermarket brand. Now that he was Kylo he was more toned down, mostly emitting the scent of his own skin and a hint of the bath-products he used. It was nice. Kylo chuckled a bit as he finally turned his head, managing to place a soft peck at Hux's temple.

"I've missed you too." He said then, twisting around so they could look at each other.

There was a warm familiarity to the sight of Hux's disorderly hair. It felt like he was looking back at the more personal part of him, the private Hux that did not just show himself to anyone.

"So much."

He slid his arm around Hux's waist and looked at him with a slight frown.

"But you look thinner... Even thinner than before... You need to eat more."

There was barely any fat left on Hux's body. The shape he had was from the muscles he had formed, but Kylo could see the tips of his collarbones jut up in the shoulders and the hand around Hux's waist could physically feel the curve of his ribs.

"I know." Hux admitted. "But I'm never hungry anymore. Even if I need to eat I don't want to."

He shook his head.

"It's to do with the stress most of the time, not a day goes by without feeling on edge... Quite frankly it's an exhausting position to be in. It coils your stomach and makes your air-supply seem choked… A constant state of feeling queasy- So eating feels so counter-intuitive."

"But still, you should take better care of yourself. One day it's going to harm you." Kylo said with a worried frown. “You’ll need nutrients to keep going.”

"I know."

Hux looked away.

"Well, now you have me again. So I'm going to make sure you get some energy back into your body- By force if I must."

Kylo let his hand move over Hux’s back.

"We both need our strength for what is coming."

Hux nodded.

"We never take the easy road do we?"

He turned back to Kylo and smiled lightly. Kylo looked into Hux's eyes. He had missed every part of him.

"If I hadn't come to you, you probably wouldn't have known. You would have looked me in the face and never recognized me behind that mask."

Ren smiled softly.

"I would have. In time I would have found out."

Hux let his fingers run through Ren’s hair.

"I would have seen it in the way you walked, or in the way you talked... Even with the morphed voice." Hux mumbled.

Kylo smiled a bit and cupped his jaw with one hand.

"Your hands are really big." Hux laughed. "It's odd."

He slid his own palm against Kylo's free hand. His fingers were shorter and his actual hand was less broad. Kylo had outgrown him, Hux was the slighter one now. It took some getting used to. But oh... The rest was so familiar. It was that familiarity that made him finally feel relief again. Kylo watched his eyes. In this weaker candle-light Hux's eyes seemed almost luminescent, the flames dancing across them in bursts of orange and yellow… Playing tricks that made Hux’s eyes seem like mirrors.

"Are you angry though? That I broke my promise?" Kylo asked then. "That I stopped being Ben?"

Hux sighed and shrugged a bit.

"I am not... But I had wished a softer life for you. I know the pain of being this kind of person... And now you have to feel that too. I would have stopped it from happening if I had known."

He touched an old mark on Kylo's shoulder, almost covered by his long hair.

"So; if anything I'm sort of sad that you didn't realize that when you chose this."

Kylo shook his head.

"I knew most of the things you were feeling at the time. The pain, sadness... But I wasn't in a good place at that time and I guess this somehow made me feel closer to you. As if I also did something good for this Empire. Back then… It seemed like the change would be worth it, that I would get used to it and enjoy being like you in some twisted sense of connection. If I had known it had been Snoke reaching his arm I'm sure I wouldn't have taken it."

He sighed.

"But you couldn't have known. I didn't… Not until yesterday anyway. He is smart I have to say, but he isn't going to get away with whatever he is planning."

Hux grit his teeth slightly.

"I'm sure it can't be anything good, knowing how he used to be."

Kylo leaned against him.

"Although he is disappointed in me right now you can still use me as your inside man. We can find out his plans and stop him in time."

Hux nodded and carded his fingers through Kylo's thick hair. It was so lush, almost insanely so. He smiled a little and kissed his forehead. He had missed this comfort, the ease that seemed to come with being together. They could warm each other like this. He closed his eyes a little and sighed out.

"Ah... This is nice." Kylo muttered. "Did you ever come here alone?"

Hux shook his head.

"Only to get a new book for you... I never stayed." He mumbled. "You?"

Kylo shrugged.

"Sometimes. I would try to look for any sign of you being here... But never longer than an hour. It was too quiet when we were not here together."

Hux chuckled a little and tilted his head back, pecking at Kylo's cheek.

"Please kiss me again." He said then. "I want to feel it again."

Kylo smiled warmly. He was feeling warm inside. A warmth he had missed since the day they had said farewell and the lack of understanding from his mother. He placed a hand on Hux's cheek, thumb caressing over the sharper line of his cheekbone.

"You know I'll do almost anything you'll ask of me."

He leaned forward and softly touched Hux's lips with his own. They felt still the same like everything did. Kylo looked at Hux and smiled. He leaned back and this time kissed him deeper. He felt Hux's hands wrap around him more tightly and let his own arms fall around the man’s neck. He never wanted to let go of this anymore. Hux sighed out a bit and slowly melted against Kylo more and more. They kissed until it was starting to take their breath away and even then they continued to hold each other closer, Hux pressing his face against Kylo's collarbones, kissing at them as Kylo's hands touched over the ridges from his spine. Suddenly Kylo cursed and sat up.

"What?" Hux asked. "Your wound?"

Kylo shook his head and shied back a bit. He could feel the heat, the sudden strain of his pants… The proof that he still very much loved Hux, but in far more mature ways. He longed for him now, and the way they kissed, the way he would press ever closer, Kylo couldn’t help the certain spike of his own arousal.

"Come on, talk to me." Hux murmured, trying to tuck himself back in Kylo's hold. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kylo shook his head again. He felt his cheeks get hotter.

"Then what is it?"

Hux grabbed Kylo by the wrist to make sure he wouldn't walk away from him. Kylo scraped his throat and turned to his beloved Hux. It felt somewhat embarrassing, but he could see how worried Hux was, so he should say something- Try to explain himself.

"Let's just say I'm not that young and innocent anymore."

Kylo’s cheeks were burning red when he said that.

"What?"

Hux furrowed his brow and looked down when Kylo did too.

"You- Ah… I see."

Hux grinned then, in the most obscene little way and pulled Ren closer to him again by his wrist.

"You think you're the only one with that little problem? You think I wouldn’t feel such a thing now that we are finally together again?" Hux breathed in Kylo’s neck.

He softly kissed him there and pressed closer. Kylo swallowed thickly and put both hands on Hux's waist, it didn't quite feel right how narrow he was there now. He hoped their reunion would allow him to eat more. But it was only a fleeting thought on his mind as he ducked his head to inhale Hux's scent and then he chuckled.

"You don't have to stand like that." He snickered when he noticed Hux trying to stand on his toes to level their height.

Hux huffed and lowered back onto his feet again. The difference was somewhat bigger than it truly was now too, Kylo was still wearing his boots, Hux was bare-feet, which added at least another inch in height to the other’s already impressive figure. Kylo sighed out and looked at his face.

"Could I... You know... Now that we are older-"

His face burned as he tried to suggest what he wanted. He couldn’t believe that he could not bring himself to say it. He committed murder, he was a killer and a fearless warrior, and at the thought of asking for sex he felt his mouth go dry and his legs go weak. It was a laughable thought, and yet he was stuttering like a fool.

"You think it would be okay-"

"Do you want to?" Hux simply asked.

Kylo nodded, hands clenching a bit.

"Then we can."

Hux let his hand rest on the back of Kylo’s head. His eyes were still like an open book to Hux; he could see exactly what went on in that head and he smiled with the familiarity.

"I do have one condition though."

He brushed his fingers through Kylo’s hair.

"A condition?" Kylo repeated nervously.

Hux nodded.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you want to stop. Don't push yourself into something you're not ready for."

Kylo smiled warmly and nodded wordlessly.

"Good."

Hux also smiled and kissed Kylo. He let his tongue slide into his mouth and pulled Kylo’s body closer to his. Kylo closed his eyes, hands bunching in the tank that Hux had been wearing all this time. It was a rather coarse fabric, thick and protective. Hux was softer, thankfully. His skin was cool, it always was, but so soft. He hissed and pushed Hux back a bit until they had found the couch. Kylo pushed Hux again and he stumbled, falling over the armrest onto his back. It was good that he was trained, so he just gave the other a reprimanding look instead.

"Careful... You don't want me to break my neck."

Kylo snorted and loomed over him, placing his knee on the other side of Hux's hip so that he could lean over the couch to kiss him again.

"As if you would be so easily injured." He tutted. "We both know that is bullshit."

He grinned and put his hand near Hux's head, looking into his eyes.

"You're very beautiful." He said then, gazing down at him. "It's almost insane."

Hux looked up to him with a smile.

"You don't look too bad yourself."

He put his hand on Kylo’s neck.

"Your beautiful eyes are still talking to me."

Kylo smirked a bit and kissed Hux again.

"And what are they saying?"

"Right now?"

Hux grinned.

"You only want more of me."

Kylo huffed and pinched Hux playfully. Hux let out a laugh pulling him down so Kylo’s chest was resting on his own. They kissed again, more passionately this time. Hux carefully let his hand slide under Kylo’s shirt and over his back. Hux sighed a little as Kylo pressed his lips to his neck, feeling the way he grinned against the skin there like he could not believe his luck for having this. He kissed Kylo's shoulders, hands tracing the lines of his biceps. Kylo had packed some muscle over the years. He was still tall and lean but he was strong now too. Kylo stared at him as he sat up enough to pull Hux's top over his head. The bullet-scars were still there, of course. The years had faded them a little, integrating them into Hux's skin a bit more, but they were still prominent. He splayed his palm on Hux's chest, looking at them, then at all the others. There were new marks too, slices and scrapes, not a lot, but Kylo noticed them.

"Someday..." He said. "I'm going to leave my own mark on you."

He smirked.

"It's going to hurt a bit, but it will be mine, so you can cherish that."

Hux nodded, his own fingers clasping around Kylo's wrist a bit, his eyes wandering over him lazily. Kylo looked at the bruises then, the ones he left earlier, they made purple splotches all across Hux's skin. Most prominently though were the ones around his neck. Kylo slid his hand forward until his own fingers were back over the marks, a perfect fit. Hux looked at him, calm and unfazed, never afraid that Kylo might decide to get rid of him right here and choose Snoke. It was too ridiculous for both of them to consider.

Kylo hummed. It was fascinating these marks, his own presence on Hux's body. He wanted  to make more, claiming him as his own- For nobody else to touch. Slowly Kylo squeezed again making Hux gasp for air only shortly. He softly kissed Hux's jaw, loosening the grip again and  letting his hands move over Hux chest. Hux took in some deep breaths and pulled Kylo’s lips onto his. His hands traced down his back, fingers avoiding the deep wound from earlier as if they blindly knew where it was. Kylo began rocking against him and Hux let out a soft moan. They both felt it, the need for each other. Kylo grit his teeth as that soft noise passed Hux's lips. It fuelled everything that made him feel so bothered to begin with. He had wanted to hear him for so long, since he'd started to crave the deeper touches with Hux he had imagined the sounds he would make when Kylo would be with him. It was like oil worked on fires, making it flare inside his guts as he ground his hips down harder.

"Hux..." He mumbled, pulling at his lips with his teeth. "Please say I never have to stop."

Hux looked up at him, to see his eyes, and then fluttered his own shut again.

"You don't have to stop." He just replied. "I meant what I promised to you six years ago."

Kylo sat back, taking hold of Hux's hips to angle him out against his own groin, even if they were still clothed. He needed that friction.

"I'm yours." Hux said again, just like he had six years ago, with the same conviction as he had used back then. "And I always will be."

Kylo let out a soft whimper when he moved his hips just right.

"And I am yours." He said. "Always."

Hux smiled then and sat up a bit. Kylo protested with a soft noise that made Hux grin.

"I can assure you don't want to soil your pants."

He leaned forward and kissed Kylo. His hands moved downwards to the rim of his pants. He helped him out of his pants and discarded his own afterwards. Now they were laying completely naked on the couch. Hux let himself fall back again and pulled Kylo with him. He shivered a little and curled his toes as Kylo grabbed the back of his thighs and pulled him closer, bending over him with that ridiculously long torso of his. Hux was quite enamoured by how his hair fell over his cheeks. So black against a skin that was so white. And those moles were still in the exact same places as all those years ago. Kylo smiled, a true charming smile that was nothing Ben would do. He was grown up and confident now, something new and better.

"I love you." He said then. "I really do."

“I know.” Kylo answered. “I’ve always known.”


	3. A long desired night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am, very, very, very sorry for my negligence on this fic. Please forgive me. The truth is that I have been all over the place with my head with new AUs, new art, new friends, new place to live, new people- NEW EVERYTHING. I know that most of you will think this fic is abandoned by now and I understand... But I will finish it, I have finally settled. Please, for everyone that comes here now or has stayed- Forgive this poor writer and I promise I will be back now.

Now that Hux was completely naked under him, Kylo could see even better how thin Hux had become. He wondered how he could still be this strong without even eating properly. He would make sure Hux was going to eat more, but for now he was more distracted by other things. Hux had let his hand slide downwards to Kylo’s ass softly kneading it. Kylo felt the painful need to go further, to feel more of Hux. He smiled and then took a deep breath.

"I uh... I'm not too sure how to proceed from here." Kylo said.

Hux let out a snort and leaned back a bit before he pushed up and grabbed Kylo by the back of his neck.

"You are still so naïve." He sighed, kissing him on the neck as he seated himself on Kylo's lap.

"Alright..." He said. "It's not that hard."

He smirked as he leaned in and told Kylo exactly what he needed to do, whispered into his ear. Kylo felt his body heat up and his loins tighten as Hux went on and on, and he almost lost it as he imagined actually doing what Hux told him to.

"How do you know these things?" Kylo asked, clenching his hands at Hux's hips.

Hux snorted then.

"This is a library... It has information on everything.  And then I mean everything."

"I don't even think I want to know why you were looking into that kind of stuff."

Hux grinned slightly and kissed Kylo.

"All my thoughts were with you, so you know."

Kylo felt his cheeks burning again and threw Hux on his back again.

"Please stop talking." He huffed. “I cannot take another word…”

"You'll have to make me."

Hux looked at Kylo with that vicious challenge on his face, so Kylo huffed and kissed Hux’s cheeks. He was going to try what Hux had told him, but he felt nervous still, he would have to be patient and gentle- Else it would hurt.

"Come on. You punched me, you can do this." Hux assured him.

Kylo smiled and kissed him again, boldly this time. He was going to make this worth it for both of them- He would rock their world. He pressed his face closer as he started to grind his hips again.

"Damn... How do I even last that long." He mumbled to himself.

"Willpower." Hux mumbled back, pulling back Kylo's hair so he could kiss at his throat better.

Kylo yelped however when he felt teeth, not too soft either, really biting into his skin to bruise him. He cursed and pulled Hux's head back by his hair.

"Jesus... That feels too good." He huffed. "No biting."

Hux rolled his eyes.

"You're pulling my roots out and I can't even bite you?"

Kylo tried to keep a serious face, but couldn't help laughing a bit.

"For once I'm going to be in charge."

Hux pulled up an eyebrow.

"Really. I'm looking forward to it then."

Kylo licked his fingers just as Hux had told him too, trying to get enough saliva on them to create the sort of slickness they would need. Both of them hadn't planned doing this so they hadn't brought anything with them that was suited for sex, but Hux insisted this would work as long as they would take it slow enough.

"I'll just..”

"Just do it will you. I don't bite. Well, not too hard anyway."

Kylo nodded and moved his fingers to Hux entrance. He had definitely dreamed about this, but now it was really going to happen. He would get to fuck him, and he would finally know what it felt like- Sounded like. Hux sighed a bit and kissed Kylo when he leaned forward again. Kylo groaned and put his free hand in Hux's hair. It still felt so soft, impossibly so. His own was thick and heavy, but Hux had very silky hair, light and good to hold, he would never tire of the way it slipped between his fingers. He wriggled a finger into Hux, causing the other to let out some sort of choked little whimper.

"Does it hurt?" He asked.

Hux shook his head and pressed a finger to Kylo's mouth to ask him to be silent. He did not wish to talk, it was so much better if they could simply enjoy each other. Kylo bit his lip, slipping his finger in farther and shivering at the moan that passed Hux's lips. Kylo couldn't wait to fuck him. It would be so good... But hurting Hux was not part of that plan, so he did it like this, just kissing him and listening to his soft whimpers.

"Fuck... Hux, if you don't shut up I'm not going to even make it to fuck you."

Hux turned his head and snorted a bit.

"You want to cum first?" He simply asked. "Take the edge off?"

Kylo swallowed and nodded a bit.

"I just want to... Make this last."

Hux didn't wait if Kylo wanted to say something else, but leaned forward and closed his lips over Kylo’s cock, the sensation stabbing through Kylo in almost painful pleasure.

"What are you-... Fuck."

It felt so damn good. Kylo held one hand in Hux's hair and moaned. If his mouth felt this good he wondered how good he would feel later on, but hell, he was seeing stars already. With a bit of concentration Kylo managed to push his finger back inside Hux. Hux moaned at it with Kylo’s cock inside his mouth, the light vibration making Kylo twitch.

"F-fuck..."

He curled his feet in the rug a bit and leaned his head back.

"Hux... Damn it... Slow down."

He gasped a bit and forcefully pulled him back, once again by his hair. Hux let out a bit of a disgruntled noise and looked at Kylo.

"Ow." He just said.

Kylo smirked a bit, almost a sheepish grin.

"Your hair is just nice." He apologized, smoothing over the strands he had almost pulled out. "Just... Slower... Please."

Hux licked his lips and came closer so that Kylo could have more control over his fingers to work him open. He grinned at the pink blush on Kylo's cheeks.

"Alright... Slower." He said, bending over again as he slipped his mouth over Kylo's cock.

Only this time Kylo could feel Hux slide way farther, until the tip of his cock touched against the back of his throat. It made Kylo curve his fingers a bit and Hux let out a loud moan. Kylo in turn could feel the vibration of it and shuddered, mouth falling open.

"Fucking... Goddamn... Hell." He hissed through his teeth, his free hand resting in Hux's neck in case he would have to pull him back again.

He wanted to stay in control, he was determined to be. Hux realized soon that his moaning made Kylo feel even better, so he made good use of it. Kylo’s fingers felt really good anyway, drawing little noises from him that he just let out freely, egging Kylo on to make sure that he wouldn’t stop. Kylo was making noises as well. Every time Hux sucked him down he shuddered a bit, stifling his moans a bit.

"I-I can't hold it any longer." Kylo managed to say as some sort of warning before spilling, knowing he should give Hux notice to pull away.

But Hux let him spill everything inside his mouth and just swallowed, coughing a bit when he couldn’t keep up. Kylo let out a keening noise as he felt it rock through him. It had all coiled inside so strongly and now he could only let out short pants of air as he jerked his hips up to try and get even farther down Hux's throat. His head felt like it drained of blood and his nerves felt shredded to bits. Hux slowly slid back, the corners of his lips leaking just a bit of white goo. Kylo felt things at the sight of that, very good things. A possessiveness that whispered that Hux would be good, that he would obey Kylo's every demand. That he could easily control him, because Hux would be wanting him. He would make him want him, so much that they would both beg for it. He put a hand under Hux's chin and levelled their faces.

"Open your mouth." He said.

Hux smirked a bit and parted his lips, they had gone pinker somehow, from what he'd just been doing. Kylo smirked and worked his tongue in Hux's open mouth as he put more force in the fingers that worked apart his ass.

"Now, now you really are mine Hux." He whispered after he had kissed him. "And I will show you that I can have you. Really have you."

He smiled.

"I can show you that I can be strong now... That I have what it takes to carry you."

He almost laughed.

"Wow..." Hux breathed, just a little short of breath. "Getting your cock sucked boosts your confidence."

He smirked. Kylo grinned deviously.

"Yes... Well imagine how I must be after I've filled up your ass."

He softly nipped at his ear.

"I think you're ready for that, aren't you?"

"I was born ready."

Hux smirked. He liked this side of Kylo. It was something he had never seen, never even thought he would see. But here it was and Hux liked it, maybe too much even. Kylo’s cock was still wet from Hux's saliva. He had worked Hux open completely, he would finally be able to take him. Everything Hux had told him had been done so he finally would be able to really possess him. Slowly Kylo positioned himself over Hux, peering down at him and licking his lips as he lined up his cock to the softer skin of Hux’s ass. He could feel the urge to slam himself inside, but he needed to go slowly. He didn't want to tear Hux and cause him any pain. He wanted pleasure for both of them. He pressed Hux on his back again and leaned over him in a position that would allow a solid grip. One hand kept Hux's hip in place as he used the other to hitch his leg behind him. Hux mewled at it in the best way, trying to suppress it only a little. Kylo made sure to slide in slow, and he was glad for it, now he could enjoy the slight pressure of working Hux open that last bit and he could hear him moan for it. He could feel the muscles of Hux’s legs tighten around his waist and smirked as he could see Hux's hands grip onto the armrest to keep himself grounded. He finally bottomed out and let out a harsh breath.

"You feel good, so damn good." He panted. "Fucking hell..."

He couldn't help but remember that his mother had thought they had been doing this when they were still that young. Ben would have never dared to... He was fairly sure he would have been too overwhelmed. He shook his head and leaned forward a bit as he slid out two inches before nudging them back in.

"Fuck..." Hux muttered under his breath. "Do that again."

"Are you giving me commands now Hux?"

Kylo smirked and stayed where he was. He wanted to move, felt the urge to move, but he could keep it in just to let Hux know he was still the one in charge. He wanted this, he wanted the control… It was important to him… Knowing he could be strong like Hux was, that he was mature and no longer helpless.

"No, no I'm not." Hux breathed heavily. “It was only a request.”

Kylo smiled.

"Good then."

He slid out of Hux again and then back in. Hux was tight, the muscles clenching around him. Kylo started moving in a slow pace at first making Hux moan.

"Please, more."

He liked to hear Hux begging for it. As he set a more solid pace he pulled Hux closer, the hand on his thigh sliding all the way up behind Hux’s back so that he could press their chests together as they moved. Hux still had one hand on the armrest of the couch, but the other was slung over Kylo's shoulder, clawing at his back whenever he gave him a sharper snap of the hips. They shared breathy kisses that were sloppy at best and often strayed to open-mouthed sucks at whatever skin would be near them. Hux moaned now, so openly that Kylo used them as incentive to pick up the pace and force, wishing to hear them grow more frequent and desperate. His own throat allowed for pleasured grunts too, which he often breathed into his hungry kisses, his mouth never leaving Hux's skin, even when Hux stopped kissing him as the pace started to build into something frantic. As Kylo kissed and bit at his skin, hips snapping wildly, Hux was just trying to hold on, head thrown back, throat pouring out those delicious cries, nails clawing and his toes curled in a way they would cramp later. And Kylo decided that he was going to memorize this and push them over the edge so violently that it would never seem to stop. So he found more force and speed, held Hux so hard with his hands that it would bruise him, buried his teeth in his shoulder to anchor himself and let out his own needy groans against Hux's sweaty skin. He would carry them into oblivion and back. Hux was already gone. He didn't know where he was he only knew it was feeling so damn good. Every time Kylo snapped his hips forward he could feel himself getting hotter and hotter. He couldn't move anything anymore. He could only let Kylo fuck in and out of him while he was moaning, asking for more. When he thought Kylo couldn't go faster somehow he managed to move even more rapid.

"Fuck... Kylo, I can't-" Hux breathed.

Kylo did moan when he came, almost desperately so. Hux had choked off when he did, letting out a series of very strained breaths as his muscles clenched in the best possible way. As Kylo moved he slicked their chests with what Hux had spilled, but he himself deposited a good load of his own in Hux's ass, it felt warm inside him, very warm even, it gave a sort of satisfaction that was indescribable. Kylo rocked out his own release with more lazy thrusts, panting heavily and trying to find some form of coherent thought again. They were both panting, wildly. Catching one's breath had never seemed so damn hard. Kylo slumped forward a bit and rested his head on Hux's chest, feeling how his heart hammered against his ribs. This was completion, this really was what that felt like, to want nothing more and to feel the euphoria of knowing what perfection was. He had seen it and felt it. Hux let a hand fall into his hair and stared up at the ceiling.

Kylo didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure if he could take this another round. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest and Hux's heart wasn't doing anything better than his. Still it was a magnificent feeling, the way he felt now.

“It is so good to have you back.” Hux murmured.

“It is.”

“I’m never letting you go again.”

“Same… Never apart, never again.”

“But Snoke- We need to…”

Kylo shook his head and pressed his hand over Hux’s mouth.

“We don’t deal with Snoke, not tonight… Please.”

“We have to, sometime.”

"Yes, some other time. But right now I will take what I want."

He leaned forward a bit and kissed his lips.

"Which is you, and a blanket. And I want you not to speak for the rest of the night, just be here with me."

Hux smirked a bit and nodded. While Kylo made them a little sort of nest to sleep in he cleaned himself up, knowing that he would not appreciate the feeling of Kylo’s seed inside him once it had a chance to sit there for a while.

"Come here." Kylo said softly as he was done.

And Hux obeyed easily, settling in next to him. The moment he lay down Kylo embraced him and tucked his face against his throat, inhaling a bit.

"How can you smell so good? Literally all the time... You smell too nice."

Hux snorted and pressed his cheek to the top of Kylo's head.

"I don't know... Good genes?"

Kylo huffed.

"I should take some of those good genes."

Hux smiled and wrapped his arms around Kylo. It didn't take them long to fall asleep. With the both of them holding each other close and the blanked wrapped over them it was warm and cosy. In the weeks when Hux had to sleep alone without being able to even call Kylo he had been plagued by nightmares. It got better after the years had passed, but Hux had never felt rested after a night sleep. But tonight it was completely different. Kylo was back in his arms again. He always kept pushing back his need to sleep, staying awake until he would start to see the shadows move in the corner of his eyes, but like this things were calm. Kylo too had forgotten what true comfort was. His sleep was often fitful with processing his guilty conscience. None of it mattered anymore. It was good to press closer to the coolness of Hux's back, using it to take some warmth away from his own body and give it to Hux. When they woke up it was a few solid hours after dawn already. Hux sighed when Kylo started to move, nudging him awake in the process as well.

"You awake?" Kylo asked softly.

"Mhm." He only grumbled. "Lay back down."

 Kylo looked at him, ready to make some smart-ass comment, but Hux had not even bothered to open his eyes yet.

"You don't need to be back at the Citadel yet?" He asked as he leaned back on an elbow behind Hux, fingers pushing loose hairs from the other’s forehead.

"No. They know what to do. The First Order is a system now, it can keep turning without its leader for a day... Otherwise I would have really fucked up."

Hux finally turned towards him and blinked against the morning-light, looking a bit dazed still. Kylo smiled lightly.

"Was it hard? Rebuilding everything after taking your position as their leader… I mean… There was much to do I imagine."

"At first it was, but I had quite a solid goal in mind and something to work my ass off for kept my head away from missing you too much."

Hux shrugged a bit. He remembered the first weeks without Kylo. He had almost been impossible to communicate with. Except for giving new missions and orders he hadn't been the best person to talk to. He had been thankful to his friends that they understood him, that they could forgive his snide nature when missing Ben was still like a gaping wound somewhere in his chest.

"It's amazing to see and hear about everything you've achieved. It makes me feel so proud of you."

Kylo leaned forward and kissed Hux's lips softly. Hux hummed and shrugged a bit.

"I have achieved very little." He mumbled. "We are at the brink of war... The colonies are preparing something at least, and your mother is making it worse. She is riling them up to throw down the current Empire. She has no idea what damage it could do though, she really doesn't."

Kylo listened to him, tracing the lines of his skin.

"I do try to clear her efforts, cutting away her assets and intercepting communications. We even had to kill some lynchpins in the colonies to prevent an early attack. But I won't lie, it's a wild scramble that feels like walking on a thin rope. We are going to fall off any moment."

Kylo sighed out and pressed his nose closer.

"I will help you." He said. "We'll do all of it together, I promise."

Not that he was a mastermind. He was more of a fighter, but he was dedicated at that. More importantly, he was the embodiment of what could calm Hux down, and even if he would not be able to help him with these matters, he could support him and do whatever he could to execute Hux's plans. It would be okay, he would help him carry this weight. Hux wrapped his arms around Kylo, pressing their chests together.

"It's so much better having you around already." He sighed contently.

Hux couldn't remember the last time he had been this happy. Happiness was not something fit for what he had to do. Hux looked at Kylo and smiled as the other ran a hand down his back to rub some warmth into his exposed skin.

"Won't Snoke wonder where you are?"

"Probably not."

Kylo shrugged.

"He's probably still busy dealing with the mess I made."

Hux snorted.

"Was he angry?" He asked.

"Yes. Very. He even yelled at me. He never did that before."

Hux hummed, fingers pulling through Kylo's hair absently.

"Must have been a bad feeling... I remember when I found out about Thrawn... These people taught us to be what we are... They shaped us." He sighed. "They are ingrained in what we are and at the same time they turn out to be the thing we hate most."

 It was quiet after that and it remained so for a while.

"I'm hungry." Kylo murmured eventually. "That thing yesterday wore me out."

Hux let out a laugh.

"You did work really hard."

He grinned and got up.

"This time I brought breakfast."

Hux walked over to the small bag he had brought the day before. He grabbed it and put its contents on the wooden table. It was a simple breakfast, a smaller loaf of bread that appeared to be filled with some sort of cheese, some pieces of fruit and fruit-juice to drink. Kylo joined him at the table when everything was ready, crossing his legs under it. He almost couldn’t tuck them in that small space between the legs, but it was manageable, and he waited for Hux to divide the food he brought. They ate in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

"What are we going to do now?" Kylo asked as he reached for another chunk of the bread.

"Not sure." Hux shrugged. "We need to know what Snoke is up too, besides trying to get rid of me. Knowing the way he works he has already set some sort of plan into motion. It will be more complicated than just my death… There must be a reason that he wants the Order within his reach."

"I'll find out for you. I'll be your inside man."

Kylo was eager to help Hux as much as he could. Even if it would only make the weight on the other’s shoulder a little bit less.

"I don't want you to be in danger." Hux mumbled as he reached for Kylo’s hand.

"It'll be fine." Kylo smiled lightly. "I may have failed the last mission, but he still trusts me. Besides I can look out for myself."

Hux hummed and looked out the window.

"Still... To God, be careful Kylo... If I were to lose you too, I would be devastated."

Kylo shushed him and pressed a kiss just under his ear.

"Please... Snoke would never be able to keep me away from you."

"I mean it Kylo, you and I both know what that man is capable of, we will not get lucky a second time."

Kylo stretched out a bit, looking up at the ceiling as he thought about what he would need to ask. He would have to be clever... Like Hux. He smiled a little and ran his thumb over Hux's neck, circling it around the jut of his spine.

"Don't worry about me Hux. I will be careful and I will bring you the information we need to make all of this go away. We'll get it right this time... Promise."

Hux smiled, leaning into Kylo's touch slightly. He would never get enough of this feeling. For a moment nothing mattered but the two of them together. Kylo made him forget all his worries even if it was just between these walls.

"I can't wait for the time when we can just relax for more than one night." Hux sighed.

They finished the last bit of their breakfast and got themselves ready to leave.  Neither one of them wanted to go back to the real world… Leave the confines of their place that seemed to exist in some other time, but they knew they had to.

"Be careful." Hux insisted as they stood before the stairs that would bring them back to the surface of the New City.

Hux hugged Kylo close before they would set foot in their 'normal' lives again.

“I will, don't worry."

Kylo took a deep breath, taking as much of Hux's scent as he could. Hux smiled and turned his head, looking Kylo in the eyes. He almost could not grasp it... That his Ben, that boy... Had grown into this. He would miss him, with his open smile and his gentle voice. But now he had Kylo, who was strong, broad... Who could carry him if he needed him to, who could hold him up if he would falter. It was a comforting thought that he could have that. It was something he had needed, and it seemed that even now, his Ben- His Kylo, once again proved to be exactly what he needed.

"Be back here tonight okay?" He asked.

Kylo nodded and kissed his cheek, then his lips. Hux slipped him a card, his business-card.

"For if you need me... Just call okay?"

Kylo nodded and kissed Hux a final time before they parted their ways; Kylo to see Snoke and Hux back to the Citadel. Hux stayed close to the shadows of the buildings. It was something he had gotten used to through the years to protect himself. When he had become the highest ranking asset in the First Order, it had been necessary to be alert every hour of the day. Enough people wanted the Order for themselves, which made him their most prominent target. It took Hux a few minutes before he arrived at the Citadel. He made sure to never take the same route twice a day and checked his surroundings before entering the station. He sighed as he dropped down into the maintenance-shaft again, brushing over his suit and straightening again. He let himself in and looked around the Citadel. All of this was his now, truly his. Now that these six years had passed, he was no longer scrambling to take lead over so many people. Not anymore, he was truly in charge now. Every officer, no matter what rank- They knew to follow him, trust him. He was their General. He could have taken on Thrawn's rank too by now, but he had removed the position altogether. It belonged only to Thrawn, and he did not want to have it. General was enough.

"There you are." Phasma said. "Are you okay?"

Hux turned and smiled at her.

"Quite."

"We've been looking for your attacker-"

"We have to talk. Phasma- There is something you must know, but only between the two of us." Hux interrupted.

Phasma raised up an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Let's talk somewhere private."

Hux didn't want to risk anyone except Phasma to hear what he had to tell her. They walked to Hux's office, a place where he knew no one dared to come.

"It may be hard to believe what I'm going to tell you." Hux said as he closed the door behind them. "To be honest I feel like I'm dreaming still."

He sat into the chair behind his desk and Phasma did the same, settling on one of the two other seats that were set on the other side. She gave him a suspicious look, probably wondering what he had been digging up now.

"Ben is back." Hux said, the sentence leaving in a short breath of air.

Her eyes widened as he said it. She stared at him, just stared, unblinking.

"B- Ben?" She asked. "Ben- Ben Solo?"

Hux nodded, smiling thinly. He rubbed his hand over his face.

"He goes by Kylo Ren now."

She frowned a bit and folded her hands in her lap, shaking her head a bit.

“O-okay…”

"The man in the mask- The man that attacked me..."

"He was a Knight of Snoke's. Yes, you told me... Did he- Did he know where Ben was?"

"He IS Ben, Phasma. Kylo Ren is a Knight of Ren- Snoke’s assets... He thought he was doing good."

Phasma stared, silent as the grave as she blinked a few times and then shook her head.

"He must have recognized you. Why did he attack you?"

"He didn't. We made it look like he did. For both our sakes we had to lie."

She swallowed and fumbled with her sleeves a bit.

"Do you- Do you still love him?"

"Yes- It's safe to say that I do... And he loves me. We would always love each other."

Phasma smiled lightly at that answer. She knew how hard it had been on Hux when he had to say goodbye to Ben- or Kylo now- It had devastated him.

"What are you planning on doing now?"

She shifted in her seat and leaned back slightly.

"Nothing for now. Kylo has gone back to his base to find out more. Depending on what he'll be able to find we'll make a plan." Hux said.

"Is it okay for him not to be here? He could be in danger."

"He is strong. They trust him there and he'll be able to protect himself when needed.  For now he is the only person who can get us the information we need. We don't have a choice, but to take this route."

Hux looked away. Even though he had promised him everything would be alright he couldn't help to worry. He just wanted to hold Kylo close and never let go again- He wanted to bring him home.

"Wow... So... Benny went your road after all huh?" Phasma said, grinning a bit.

"Yeah. He did." Hux echoed. "He is just like us now."

Phasma did not miss the lilt of his voice. She realized that Hux did not see it as a good thing, that he was not amused by the turn of events.  

"I wanted something- Different for him. Something cleaner." Hux said. “I love Kylo like I loved Ben- But… He deserved better.”

She hummed and slung an arm around his shoulder.

"Hey, he still loves you. He is still Ben in there... And given the shit we went through together- You can't blame him for growing up with a little knack in the head. I am sure he is still just your-" She stopped and let her gaze drop. "Oh- Oh... Is that a little love-bite I see?"

She poked the hickey above his collar and watched him turn red, the colour creeping up his nape and making his ears burn bright.

"Still love each other you said... Hux you sneaky pervert."

Hux shoved her a bit and pulled his shirt up a bit.

"Give me a break, it had been six years and even before that we didn't do /it/. We were just glad we could finally have... That... You know… Together."

Phasma made some gagging sounds.

"I can never erase that mental image… I just can’t imagine you and adult stuff."

"I can't say I feel sorry for you." Hux huffed. "You started it, I can’t help that you can’t keep your eyes off of me."

They goofed around a bit more, until Hux turned serious again. He still had a lot of work to do and he didn't want to be late tonight. The time he could have with Kylo was too little even when it was a complete night. The rest of their lives together would still feel too short- So he wanted everything he could get. He sent Phasma on her way with a task and started the work he had to finish today, but his mind kept on travelling back to Kylo until he couldn't take it anymore. Hux decided to take a shower. He hadn't done so after last night and thinking about what happened he probably should take one before leaving. He soaped up well and cleaned himself thoroughly, before he picked out clean clothes. A suit was too formal this time around, so he slipped into a simple pair of slacks and button-down, tucking it into his waistband with care.

He waited for his hair to dry and started to fix it, before stopping himself halfway. Ben had always liked it messy... Kylo would too. He smiled a bit and left it as it was before he grabbed his leather jacket from the wardrobe and prepared to leave. Then he stopped right as he stood at the door, remembering that last night was not without hick-ups... He walked to his bathroom and took some towels with him, just in case. He cooked them breakfast for the next morning and wrapped it up in cling-film to keep it together. By then Millicent had started to tap around impatiently, craving food too. He made her some fish and cooked himself dinner too, eating in silence and then hurrying along to the old city. As he was on his way his phone buzzed; Kylo.

"We need to talk about things... You're in danger. Will meet you at our place in one hour... Also- I bought lube... Are you into strawberries or mint?"

Hux quirked up an eyebrow and tried to think of what to say.

"On my way now... I will see you there." He texted.

Then after a short moment of deliberation.

"Mint."

Hux took a deep breath and laughed awkwardly. He felt as if anyone could read from his face what they had just texted to each other. With a small smile Hux started walking towards the Old City. He would be at least half an hour early, but he didn't mind. Walking into the Old City always gave him the weird feeling of coming home. He had always felt at ease here, but since he had been here with Kylo before it made this place feel a lot more like their haven. Maybe they should just live here. Hux sighed and left his bag on the table. He walked to the couch and lay down. He would just close his eyes for a few minutes. A few minutes proved enough to fall asleep, by the time he opened his eyes again it was because Kylo was softly nudging his shoulder and kissing his forehead. He groaned a little and blinked his eyes, greeting the other with a lazy smile. Kylo smirked back at him and leaned down to kiss him again.

"Long day?" He asked, lifting Hux's legs so he could sit on the couch with him.

Hux hummed a bit and shook his head, lazily studying Kylo's face in the last light of the day.

"No such thing... Just a busy life... Naps are all a man has sometimes."

Kylo chuckled and ran his hand over his knee and thigh, slowly settling it at his hip. He furrowed his brow as he thought of what he needed to say.

"I- I spoke to Snoke... He was truly angry with me-- Still."

He licked his lips and shrugged out of his jacket.

"He did talk to me about things though... He stayed secretive. He said he had put Knights on the mission, that they would not fail him." He sighed.

"He said that by the time they were done, my failure would be erased and you would be out of the way as planned."

Hux hummed a bit, leaning up so he could reach for Kylo a bit, pulling on his shoulder to get a kiss from his lips.

"So, a new attempt on my life... Do you know when?"

Kylo shook his head.

"I won't let them get close. I will keep tabs on all of them, I swear. You- You'll be safe, they will never get to touch a hair on your head."

"I'm not worried about that. They won't get to me." Hux dismissed as he moved closer to Kylo. "Certainly not when I got such a strong knight watching over me."

Hux shifted so he sat in Kylo's lap and kissed his lips softly. He let his hand rest on Kylo's cheek and looked into his eyes.

"Don't worry about this too much. I'm not an easy target to get to. Inside the Citadel I'm untouchable and I'll be even more alert outside. Just make sure they won't discover what you're actually up to."

Kylo closed his eyes slightly and leaned into the touch of Hux's hand.

"I just want to be the person who is able to save you before you get hurt, because there were so many times I could not."

He opened his eyes. Until now he had always been there after Hux had come to him already injured. This time he needed it to be different.

"It'll be fine. Nothing will happen to me."


	4. A sense of normality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaaaah. Looks like I can get back on track with publishing for now :) That should be nice for most of you who stuck around XD Once again sorry for that. This chapter is very much intermezzo, as was the last one, which means... Troubling times ahead :p

Kylo sighed and placed a hand at the small of his back, looking Hux in the face. He smiled a little as the last sun-rays lit his hair up like fire and made his eyelashes look like the finest spun gold. He wanted to commit him to memory all over again. In those six years Kylo had looked at pictures of Hux each day... Remembering his face, every little detail of it. Now, he would have new details to remember. Hux's freckles were mostly gone now, his skin an immaculate white canvas. His eyes seemed less round, they had grown more sly, but they still were so clever, so green. Kylo sighed and leaned his head back on the couch, regarding him with a lazy smile.

"You grew up to an even more stunning creature, do you know that?"

Hux smirked a bit and kissed his nose.

"Well, let us not forget about you... I can barely see Ben in what you are now... And yet he is in everything. You are more mature, taller, stronger... Lethal... But your lips are still so full and soft, your hair is still so lovely and thick... Your nose so big that it makes you a man like no other... And oh- Kylo... Your eyes. I could never get enough of those eyes. Enchanting- Like the Universe exists in the depths of them. I am so thankful that I may call all of this mine."

Kylo's cheeks turned slightly red at hearing those words.

"You almost make me sound like some kind of God." He licked his lips. "You always know what to say to make me lose my words."

Hux’s grin turned into a slight smirk as he let his hand move to the back of Kylo's head. He liked the way his hair had grown and brushed one of his hands through it as he arranged it closer to Kylo’s face. Hux leaned against Kylo, an arm wrapped around him. Hux sighed out and licked his lips. Part of him still could not believe he was sitting in the arms of the boy he had once met. Kylo was different from Ben, it was not him... But Hux did not feel like he had lost Ben- He thought he would... But all the good and love was still in this man. He had just grown taller, stronger... Less dependent. It was a good thing. It allowed Hux to lean on him, to let some weight slide over to Kylo so that he could help him carry some of it.

"What are they like?" Hux asked softly. "The other Knights that Snoke has..."

Kylo shrugged.

"We barely talk. They have masks like me, and even I have never seen who they are under that. They are all strong though- Deadly. They are good at what they do."

"Better than me?"

Kylo chuckled a bit.

"Nobody is better than you."

He kissed Hux's forehead and reached forward to grab a blanket.

"I will protect you. They will not be able to hurt you. You will be warned the moment they come close. I will be around you non-stop, in the shadows. I promise Hux... You'll be safe."

Hux smiled. He could feel this warm spread of fondness inside his chest again. It was a nice feeling, having someone to protect you and keep you safe, who declared it so certainly too.

"My own knight in shining armour." Hux sighed. "I would not know what to do without you."

Kylo smiled and pulled Hux closer in his arms. 

"Good, because you won't be getting rid of me soon."

He pulled the blanket over their bodies. It was soft and thin, just right for the both of them to lay under. Now more than perhaps ever Hux would be needing protection and he would give it to him. Not only for now, but for the rest of his life. They both undressed themselves, draping their clothes on the floor before cuddling up close under the blanket, finding warmth in each other’s bodies and the blanket containing it just perfectly. Kylo lay them down, resting on his back as Hux rested on Kylo's chest. It was in that same way that they fell asleep. They had both grown up a bit more since last time, and the couch was too narrow. If this would become a regular thing, then they would need to think about getting a bed in here... Or a bigger couch. Hux smirked a bit at the thought of struggling such a huge piece of furniture up these stairs, slowly drifting off to sleep with that still on his mind.

He didn't sleep through the night. He woke up around 4 in the morning, disoriented and confused. The dream he'd had was crushing... Dreadful. He did not tell Kylo about his frequent nightmares... It seemed too early since they had met- He did not want to confront him with that mess. Not yet, he could not tell him- He would pity Hux too much… He would pull away. He sat up and blindly reached for his medication, cursing when he realized where he was. Instead he stood up and pulled on his pants, hastily fumbling into them and not even bothering to close them once they were over his hips. He left the room and sat down in the window-sill at the farthest end of the hallway, staring out into the night as he waited for his heart to stop hammering and his head to stop rushing.

He pulled up his knees and rested his forehead on them, trying to shake the dream off his mind. It was just that- Just a dream... It was never real... It was just a trick of the mind. Hux wiped a hand over his face. He looked down at his hands, still shaking on his lap, and bit his lip. He did not like to be dependent on the medication he took, but he couldn't deny the fact his nightmares would only get worse if he would go back to sleep with these figments still on his mind. He had tried it before, when the nightmares were just starting, but it made him a nasty person to be around, paranoid and snappy- Not himself. Hux looked at the stars, sparkling brightly in the night, trying hard to shift his mind away from those images.

"What are you doing?"

Hux jumped at the sound of Kylo's voice. He probably woke up, feeling nothing but the cold where Hux had been lying.

"Just getting some air."

He didn't want to show Kylo this other side of him, not yet. He didn't want Kylo to see him as the broken man he had become. He wanted to be that strong person, who could get through everything, the one that Kylo kept praising him for being… If he saw what it was really like he would know that Hux wasn’t his unbreakable hero.

"If you want air you best open the window." Kylo said, nudging the latch a bit.

It was rusted in place. Hux sighed and shrugged. Kylo frowned and sat down on the floor under the window. He swallowed thickly.

"Are you disappointed in me? Are you- Am I not what you wanted me to grow up to be? I have tried... And I swear to God Hux, I love you with all my heart."

"God... No... Kylo- I love you; this you as much I loved who you were. Please, please do not doubt that."

Kylo sighed out... He could see Hux meant it. Hux could not fake such genuine emotion- No matter how brilliant his control over his emotions was.

"Then- Talk to me. I can tell something is wrong with you."

Hux sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked out the window again.

"I was diagnosed with several forms of anxiety some three years ago. I- I can't really deal with all the shit that happened. I tried... Really hard- To cope with it. I did, but you weren't there... My dad, my brother were dead. My mother slipped off into a depression that she still is not out of. I cannot do it without drugs- And I forgot to take them before I left the Citadel. Sometimes it all adds up, and it manifests in my dreams- They are driving me insane… So real and- I just… It all comes crashing down at once if I don’t take those pills Kylo."

Kylo listened to everything Hux had to say. He could remember he had been worried sick about Hux when his father and brother had died and the increasing responsibilities he had to carry. He had coped so well at that time, but it seemed the weight of everything had eventually caught up with him when Kylo himself wasn't able to be at his side to distract him from those haunting pains.  

"It's alright."

Kylo grabbed his hand and pulled him closer into a hug, out of the chill of that windowsill and into his own embrace. He could feel Hux trembling in his arms and hugged him closer, giving him his warmth and letting him feel he was not alone anymore.

"You'll be alright. I won't ever leave you alone again. No matter what happens- I'll be right there beside you. I'll be here to carry some of your pain, to hug you in your sleep, to let you see and feel, whatever your mind is thinking; that this right here is real."

Hux sobbed, wrenching his eyes shut as he buried his face in Kylo's warm skin... And then he cried, unable to stop himself from tumbling down that hill he cried like a child. His arms held Kylo so tight that it almost hurt a bit, leaving a bit of a bruise on his ribs. Kylo did not mind, he did not care for it. He sat himself down on his behind, crossing his legs so Hux could sit in his lap. He rubbed a hand over his back, putting some warmth in the chilly bare skin of his back. He shushed him when his shoulders started to shake and gently kissed his temples and hairline, the other hand running through his hair.

"I'm so sorry Hux... So sorry for letting you do this alone."

Hux shook his head and slowly wound down, the crying stopped and he slowly slumped to a sort of dazed state. Kylo let him find his time to calm down, just rubbing soothing circles over his back, at least until he heard a soft huffing come from Hux. He had fallen asleep again, so Kylo stood up again and returned to their room, slowly laying Hux on the couch again and taking off his pants again so that they wouldn't crease.

"There we go... Back to sleep, I'm here."

Kylo brushed some hair out of Hux's face, the skin around his eyes still slightly red from his crying. He lay down next to him and wrapped an arm around his waist, while he kept looking at his face. It looked quite serene and at peace now, completely different from a few minutes ago. Kylo smiled lightly and moved a bit closer to Hux, before closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep. He knew what Hux had been thinking. He had thought Kylo wasn't looking for even more baggage, someone that needed maintaining. Like he cared... He just wanted his Hux, any form he came in. Of course he would much rather see him healthy- Happy... Smiling and laughing. Not because it made Hux easier to love... But because it was better for him. He would be happier and healthier if he would not have these plaguing fears.

Kylo would hold him now, would try to do anything and everything to make this easier on him. He made a mental note to himself to read up on anxiety-disorders as well, to understand them- To be able to deal with them in the best possible way… So that he would never make it worse on accident. He fell asleep again shortly after that decision. He slept undisturbed, Hux still and steady in his arms, a trusted weight on his chest that only helped him sleep better now that he was easier. They both slept until morning, silence the only constant in their little room here where they were safest.

Hux woke up when a beam of sunlight pulled him from his dreams, insistently burning through his eyelids when the sun had shifted enough to hit his face. He yawned and tried to stretch, just to find out that he was laying on the couch again. He felt the warmth of Kylo's body under him and smiled. He had been scared to face this, showing Kylo what was left of the once so strong person that used to be him. He could have known Kylo would only support him, like he had been doing since the first moment he met him. Hux shifted a bit so he could look at Kylo better and smiled. He could get used to waking up like this.

He sighed a little and then kissed Kylo's forehead, inhaling the scent that clung to his skin. He could smell the product that Kylo used to wash his hair. It was a good scent, one that fit so well with his black hair. It was deep and heady, and Hux closed his eyes to commit it to memory. He shook his head a bit and leaned back again. They each had their own blanket, and Kylo was all twisted up in his, long limbs scattered- He looked every bit like a classic painting, stunning and eternal. All his, his to hold- His to love. Hux swayed his legs over the edge of the couch and let his blanket pool around his waist as he scooted to the limited free space that Kylo did not take up.

"You know Kylo-" He said softly. "There are so many things in this life that are so hard to grasp... So hard to guess... Yet, you have always been a certainty. Even when you weren't there with me, I knew you were still mine."

He laughed a bit and smiled at Kylo’s sleeping face.

"When everything settles down. When things are no longer a mess, when they stop being a hurricane- I want to marry you Kylo. Forever yours- But this time everyone will get to know. They can all see at last, what we mean to each other, and I will declare it so proudly- For everyone to hear… That would be nice, wouldn’t it?"

He sighed and bit his lip, shaking his head a little as he thought about how far away that all seemed now. It was a craving for later times, when people like Snoke could no longer harm them. They would need to be patient, they would need to wait. Hux sat there for a while until he felt Kylo shift next to him.

"Goodmorning, sleepy head." Hux announced with a grin.

Kylo stretched his body and yawned, slowly opening his eyes, squinting a bit against the sunlight in the room.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

Kylo had made a note to himself after last night to ask this more often. Hux may have seemed to be alright all this time, but he was obviously not.

"I'm good. Don't worry." Hux smiled. "Up for some breakfast?"

"Sure."

Just like the day before Hux put everything on the table and they shared their breakfast with the sun on their backs, listening to the birds that chirped and the city that was so far away from here. They both had their duties to fulfil the rest of the day, but Hux would have liked it if they could have been like this for a bit longer. He rubbed at his eyes and sighed. He was tired. Not the kind that came from bad sleep... This was a deeper sort of tired. He was jaded, exhausted... So many days, months, years even... In bitter misery. Finally things were looking bright again, but they made him realize all the more just how tired he was with all this.

"Hux..." Kylo started softly. "Please stop doing that."

Hux looked up, frowning, until he became aware of the dull ache in his arm. He sighed, pulling away his nails and soothing over the skin he had clawed apart. He did that sometimes, he could not help it. Kylo leaned over and used one of the napkins from the bag to wipe at the few welts of blood. Hux smiled lightly at Kylo. He could see the worry in the other's eyes. Phasma had been trying to help him get through everything, but she was just enough although she couldn't help it. With Kylo he was feeling so much better already, like the man himself was enough to keep the dark thoughts and images away.

"I'm really glad you're here." Hux said. “I promise all this will be better soon, just give me time.”

“All the time you need.”

He grabbed the last bit of his breakfast and leaned back slightly. He sighed a little and stewed in the silence with Kylo. When the food was finished they started to dress again, the underwear disappeared into the plastic bag that Hux had taken with him, replaced with clean ones he had thought to bring along at the last moment- He didn’t like wearing undergarments more than one day- It felt gross. Kylo handed him his shirt and frowned a bit at the scatter of orange hair that he could see up close. He first thought Hux was shedding hair from the stress, but the place most of it sat indicated that it came from something that sat in his lap.

"You have a cat?" He asked.

Hux looked up and then smiled a little. He nodded and grabbed his phone, scrolling through pictures until he had found one to show to Kylo.

"Her name is Millicent. Believe it or not, I found her in that alley behind your house. The one where you first came to pick me up when I was wounded... I could not leave her there."

Kylo smirked a bit and looked at the picture. It was a spoiled little thing, he could tell, with the pink collar and her cat-bed that seemed more comfortable than Kylo’s own actual bed.

"Looks lovely."

"She is. Very patient... Very loving. She'd like you."

He scraped his throat a bit and pulled on his shirt.

"Alright, I should go." He mumbled then. "Some of my men are returning from France today, very high stakes mission. I want to make sure they arrive safely."

He kissed Kylo and stepped back.

"Stay safe. See you tonight."

With that they parted ways once again, but this time it felt slightly less reluctant. They were no longer afraid that they would lose this again. It was starting to look safer, more secure. The next night they did not make love again, Hux arrived to the room by the skin of his teeth. He was so tired, dreadfully tired. They simply exchanged a bit of lazy conversation as they laid wrapped in the blankets. Within the hour Hux had fallen asleep. The next night he was even later, Kylo had fallen asleep and woke up in the middle of the night with Hux to his chest. He was cold, shivering... And when they talked Hux told him how he'd sat hours in the pouring rain to wait for a target that had followed his men from France. Kylo rubbed warmth into him and soothed the stiffness in his muscles. It was going okay... They were knitting together more each day.

Hux brought his medication to the Old City each time, and Kylo could see the difference they made, even when Hux looked haggard he did not seem as flayed as that night where he had woken up in panic. Still, they both felt this looming cloud over their heads. Kylo did what he could to pry into Snoke’s plans, he tried to eavesdrop on conversations between the Knights, to see if Hux’s name would fall- Giving away anything about what Snoke had ordered for them to do. He knew that Snoke would not just let it pass after all, he wouldn’t make it that easy. He wanted Hux dead, he wanted his bitter revenge for all those years ago. He would be planning something- But for the life of him, Kylo did not know what.

On the fifth day after they had reconnected Hux called Kylo. He had not done so before, ever. They had exchanged numbers for emergencies, nicknamed each other so that Snoke wouldn't have many suspicions. They texted usually, a small message to say if they would be late, who would be bringing breakfast that night… Many such things. So when Hux called, Kylo was already feeling apprehensive. Turned out there was no need, Hux sounded eager, he sounded happy or relieved. He wanted to ask Kylo to meet earlier, he needed to see him. Kylo agreed that they could share a dinner in the Old City that night. Hux agreed on that immediately, saying he wished to celebrate. Kylo failed to understand what Hux wanted to celebrate, but he did not press for information, knowing they were best off keeping their conversations short.  

He met Hux in the old city that evening, the other man earlier than him and already waiting there. He looked good, smiling and dressed well. When Kylo closed the door behind him He immediately made a bee-line for Hux and put his hands on Hux’s waist, admiring the soft fabric of the shirt he wore. It was so dark, black… A beautiful contrast with his light skin, tucked perfectly in the waistband of black slacks, a white set of suspenders breaking the dark colours. Kylo smiled amusedly when Hux draped his arms over Kylo’s shoulders, then frowned lightly at a familiar scent that penetrated his nostrils from the bag of dinner Hux had brought.

“Happy anniversary, Kylo.” Hux finally said, his grin spreading. “This time I can finally wish it to you in person.”

Kylo’s eyes widened a bit, completely failing to realize the significance of today’s date.

“Today marks the date where I woke up at your house after getting shot… The first time you declared me your boyfriend- Six years ago.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Kylo smirked and kissed Hux on the lips, ducking his head a bit to make sure their mouths could connect well to a deep kiss. Finally he also recognized the scent of what Hux had brought for them, fried chicken… Like they’d had for dinner that day six years ago.

“I love you so much.” Kylo finally murmured. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember.”

“That’s okay… We haven’t exactly been in a situation that one would call mundane… But that makes this even more important. Because we made it through these past years to finally be able to celebrate it together.”

“Right you are.” Kylo said then. “Lucky for me I will have many more years with you to make up for forgetting.”

“Yes.” Hux conceded. “Many, many more.”

They kissed again and finally sat down at the table to have their dinner. It was almost ludicrous, sitting there, propped close against each other with a bucket of fried chicken and fries- Children’s food if they were honest. Yet, Kylo had to admit he wouldn’t have wanted to celebrate any other way. It was a hit of nostalgia that took him back to when he was still Ben, and Hux was still Bran, two boys- That despite their chance meeting and less than ideal lives were so happy to just be together for the time being. It was still like that- Only they were no longer boys, and their lives had darkened significantly. Still, they had the time to eat chicken together and lay down afterwards, on the softer rug that lay under the table.

“That was so salty.” Kylo finally huffed. “I can’t believe I used to eat that weekly.”

“Weekly?”

“Yeah. Saturday was chicken-day.”

“Damn.”

They both laughed and then turned their heads to look at each other.

“I miss us being children.” Hux murmured. “It was never easy- But it was easier.”

“It was simpler then, I will admit that. But we are stronger now. We are ready for the world now, we know how it works- Even if it means that we found out that it is more twisted than we had hoped.”

“Right you are. But it is not the world I had hoped to live in.”

“We’ll make it one we want to live in. We will shape it and make it right.”

“That would be good.”

Hux finally turned and then sighed.

“I don’t want to be glum tonight though, not now… Not on this day.”

Kylo nodded and inched closer and then kissed Hux’s lips again, fingers playing with the softer hairs in his neck.

“We could choose for something that doesn’t need conversation- A very celebratory activity.”

Hux chuckled and pushed up on his elbow a bit to lean closer, chuckling as Kylo grabbed him by the waist and pulled him in his lap, sitting up to kiss Hux again when he’d secured him in his lap and settling a hand at his hip.

“Did you bring stuff for it?” Hux asked.

“Yeah.” Kylo replied. “We have lube and towels in the cabinet right here since the first night.”

“That’s good.” Hux said.

Kylo ran one hand up, half bunching Hux's shirt up with the movement, before he slid his splayed fingers over Hux’s chest. He kissed him with fire, his teeth pulling at Hux's lips whenever the man pulled away a bit. He felt the act of it coil in his loins, slowly stirring awake what sat in his pants, making the fabric sit tighter around his hips.

"Mmnnnngh... Hux."

The other smirked and turned his head, kissing Kylo's neck and running a hand under the t-shirt he wore. He could feel the bulge in Kylo's pants grow harder and bigger, the bulk of it pressing against the inside of his left thigh. It made him shiver a little when he moved.

"Hux..." Kylo hissed. "Let me... Let me move... I need the friction."

Hux groaned a bit and moved himself, pressing flush against Kylo's chest so that he was downright sitting on Kylo's clad cock. The other responded eagerly, using the hand that he had on his hip to hold him, his own hips starting an eager grinding for friction. Hux, taken by surprise, let out a moan, his hand shooting out to hold Kylo's wrist.

"Fuck- Ren... Agh... Slow down."

Kylo pressed his face in the crook of Hux's neck. He grinned when he felt the front of Hux's pants tighten significantly too. He ground harder, but did slow a bit, groaning obscenely so that Hux would shudder and bite his lip.

"Like this then?"

Hux mewled a bit, rolling his hips downwards.

"You sure- mnff... Gained some confidence since last time."

Kylo smirked.

"I read up on a few things... I had the time for it anyway. Tonight will feel so much better. I promise."

Hux hummed, placing soft kisses along Kylo's neck. Hux let his fingers slide along the lines of Kylo's back, leaning forward to kiss his lips again. His hips moved automatically in response to Kylo's own. It was almost hypnotizing, the way they could move in sync and feel the coil building.

"W-wait... Let's get rid of these first."

Hux pulled at Kylo's pants. He had just a little bit of sanity left until he would have completely forgotten anything else but Kylo's moving body, but he didn't want to soil his pants in the process. They would definitely regret it when they needed to get dressed the next morning, not to mention the fact that it might not wash out too well if they left it too long. Kylo let out a frustrated huff when Hux slid from his lap, completely removing the warmth and friction that he had loved so much. He pulled down the zipper of his jeans and struggled out of his pants, tossing his shoes and socks off as well. He embraced Hux from behind. The man had only just taken off his shoes and socks, those suspenders slid from his shoulders and dangling around his thighs, and he was now unbuttoning his shirt. Kylo snorted and let his hands curl around the front of Hux's pants, popping open the button and unzipping it before he let a hand slide in, palm cupping over the front of those soft briefs.

Hux grunted, fingers struggling with the last buttons of his shirt. Kylo's palm kneaded him, and he bit his lip, pressing back against it. Kylo smirked at him, pleased with himself. He pulled down Hux's pants, watching them pool around his ankles before Kylo started to grind himself against Hux again, looping his other arm around his waist to press him close to his groin for the friction he needed. Hux's eyes fluttered close and his hands came to rest over Kylo's. His mouth fell open a bit as Kylo continued to grind against him, his hand kneading his cock through Hux's underwear. It was intoxicating, like losing yourself in a dance. They both knew that they were going to tip over an edge soon, like this, soiling underwear that was still on, but it seemed impossible to stop.

Kylo grunted in his ear, his mouth latched onto Hux's shoulder as Hux craned his head a little more. Kylo's arm moved away from his waist and his hand ever so gingerly closed over Hux's throat to keep him flush against his chest. His other hand picked up the pace, just like his hips did. He was panting like an animal, using some force now in his rutting, making Hux moan in breathy noises.

"Ren-" He gasped. "Please- Oh fuck... Please."

He kept repeating it, half muttering under his breath as he listened to Kylo's deep groans and panting breaths, focussed on the ever quickening snap of his hips. Hux's fingers curled, nails digging crescent marks in the flesh of Kylo's arms.

"Fuck- fuck... Fuuuuck... Ren, Ren please."

Kylo half laughed into his ear before biting into the skin just behind it, both his hands pulling Hux almost painfully close as he came, moaning harshly in Hux's ear again, sounding every bit as desperate as he seemed to feel. Hux couldn't last through it either, grinding his hips along Kylo's palm quite frantically until he too felt the fabric of his underwear grow warm and wet. The coil unwound a bit in his body and he slumped forward with a groan. Kylo laughed, guiding him towards the couch and positioning him how he wanted, arms and chest resting over the backrest, knees on the seating.

"Ren..."

"Easy... This whole fingering business is so much more comfortable when you're fucked out... And like this, you're uh... Easy to please..."

He grinned.

"But let's take off those underpants hm? Mine are starting to cool already... Feels nasty."

"Asshole." Hux laughed.

"You know you liked it, though."

Kylo grinned and cupped Hux's ass softly with one hand before he hooked his fingers on the rim of his briefs and pulled them down. He stepped out of his own boxers as well and stepped closer, smiling as he settled a hand in Hux’s hair. He let his hand move from Hux's neck downwards, making the other shiver. He traced a line over his spine, smiling at the way Hux’s skin reacted with small goose-bumps, his back arching to press to Kylo’s hand a bit each time. He could still see his scars, the old ones and the newer ones, jagged lines along the otherwise lithe shape that was Hux. He moved one of his hands to Hux's ass, kneading it a bit.

"You're so damn beautiful." He sighed kissing him near his hip.

Hux snorted and moved his knees apart a bit. He rested his chin on the back-rest and arched his back. Kylo smirked and ran his hand over the length of Hux's back.

"Alright. I brought the mint one last time- Lube I mean." Kylo mumbled, reaching into the cabinet behind the couch.

"Minty fresh buttocks, what a treat."

Kylo snickered and uncapped the bottle. It did smell like toothpaste in a way. He smirked and poured some on his fingers. It was cool to the touch, soft and jelly-like. He put a steadying hand on Hux's hip and slowly circled a finger around the velvety ring of muscle he would need to stretch open. He had read up on things. Relax your partner, pamper them... It had said. So Kylo peppered Hux with kisses, all over his back, wriggling his first finger in to the knuckle.

"Mmmm... Much better than last time. I gotta say Kylo..."

Hux relaxed under the caring touch of Kylo's hands and mouth. It made it that much easier for Kylo to work him open. Carefully he began moving his finger, waiting until he was certain he could push another one in. Hux was already making all kinds of appreciative noises, assuring Kylo that he was pushing the right buttons, so he continued, circling his fingers and spreading them a little when he could.

"Fuck, Ren." Hux moaned softly. "You should read up on things more often."

Hux started moving with the motions of Kylo's fingers. He pushed back when his fingers moved forward, guiding Kylo to hit the exact right spot to draw more pleasure from it. Kylo licked his lips again. The noises Hux was making were too much, he needed to feel him, it was starting to ache. He wanted him so badly, but he needed to be patient. He wanted to make Hux feel so good in the end that he would see the stars shooting before his eyes. Hux bit his lip and squirmed, Kylo's fingers were much smoother this time. They were massaging him, his lips kissed him and his naked chest brushed over his back each time.

"Do you think you can take me now?" Kylo whispered. "Because I want you... I really want you."

Hux dipped his head lower and nodded.

"Yes. Please... Yes."

Kylo smiled and used the last lube on his hand to slick his cock a bit. It was still damp, glistening a bit from creaming his underwear earlier. He put one foot on the couch, lining himself up behind Hux and leaning over him to grab the back-rest as well. Slowly he nudged the tip of his cock into Hux. It was smoother than last time, with the lube, so it was easy to settle in deep. His reading material had been right too, this way he reached deeper into Hux, it felt less twisted and strained, not quite as obstructed.

"Ahhhh... So good." He groaned.

He leaned forward to kiss Hux between the shoulders, his black hair pooling over his back.

"You are so good."

Hux moaned and twitched a bit, arching his back and curling his toes.

"Fuck... Ren... This book of yours is good."

Kylo grinned.

"I'll lend it to you one day, but for now I'll just do the demonstration, alright?"

He could feel muscles tightening around him and let out a soft huff. It took him a lot to not just slam himself into Hux with everything he got. Instead he ducked his head and kissed Hux’s shoulders,  waiting for Hux to be ready before he pulled out slowly and slid back in to reach as deep as he could.

"Nnghh, more.... Please more."

Hux moved his hips back against Kylo and moaned at the feeling. Kylo grinned, holding him at the waist as he set a slow rocking pace, moving his hips in languid rolls, feeling his nerves spark and soar. It was amazing. He let out a breathy laugh and closed his eyes, blindly kissing Hux where he could. He felt the other wrap an arm over his shoulder, back arching so he could hold Kylo. He smirked and reached one arm around Hux, moving his hand over Hux's ribs and up to his nipples, teasing them even if they were already stiff as hell. Hux mewled, pulling at Kylo's wrist with his free arm.

"No... No no... Too sensitive. Kylo please."

Kylo chuckled and slid his hand farther down again, teasing the soft hairs near Hux's groin. They were damp and soft, lovely like the rest of Hux. He panted, groaned, anything to sound his appreciation.

"Is- Is it good?" He asked.

"Yes! Yes... Kylo... More... I need you to give me so much more. Never stop, I'm begging you."

Kylo hummed. If he would be able to do that he would, but he could already feel an orgasm starting to build up inside him. He picked up his pace, hitting Hux exactly where he knew he liked it. He grabbed Hux's jaw and turned his head just enough so he could kiss him. It was something he would never get enough of, Hux’s kisses.

"You're so beautiful."

Kylo whispered against Hux lips, panting with every word. He could see the lust in the other’s eyes, making it impossible to think about anything else but the two of them.

"Harder, please." Hux moaned. "More.... Give me everything and more."

Kylo smirked a bit at Hux's demands. He was babbling, Kylo knew that, but he would give Hux the world if he could. He angled himself a bit better, setting his foot closer to Hux's knee and draping his chest over Hux's back, putting some force behind his thrusts. It started to grow frantic, the lube made sounds that were softly said ungodly... The couch sometimes even skidded forward a little whenever Kylo managed to get a good lunge. He was panting again, grunting like an animal as he licked up the sweat that clung to Hux's back and biting teeth in his tense flesh. He could not stop now for the world. His hands clamped onto Hux at the hip and shoulder as he fucked the both of them into sweet oblivion.

"Hux-Huuux... Oh god Hux..." He mumbled, eyes wrenched close. "So close- So damn close... Unnfgghhh- I'm gonna--"

Kylo stuttered off into a guttural moan as he felt the coil snap in his gut. His mouth fell open, and he knew that he was holding Hux too hard when he fucked his cum into him. He felt Hux tense up as well, heard his desperate moaning as he shot his load against the back-rest of the couch and the seating. Kylo smirked a bit, hips stuttering until he was finally able to stop himself.

"Ah... Hell... Sorry Hux- It's... There was a lot of it."

Hux let his forehead fall onto the edge of the back-rest and shook his head.

"It- It feels really good... Like-- Really, fucking good."

Hux tried to get his shaky breathing under control. He could feel Kylo's head resting on his back, their hearts beating wildly. After a while he felt Kylo shifting and pulling out of him, sitting on the couch next to him. It was a good thing they had towels to clean up with... It had all become a bit messy now. He turned around and sat down besides Kylo. He rested his head on his shoulder and felt his arms wrap around him. Kylo pulled Hux into his lap and softly kissed his temple. He was still breathing heavily, eyes closed a bit as he rested against Kylo's shoulder. The afterglow slowly set in, making them both hazy. Hux smiled a little as Kylo started to kiss and soothe the marks he had left earlier, his breath tickling his skin.

"That book- It has so much more in there." Kylo murmured.

Hux let out a loud snort and patted Kylo's chest.

"We have time for that... But for now- I am exhausted. So fucking... Buzzed out." He laughed a bit and shook his head. "You are so good-You are all I’ll ever need."

He tucked his face into Kylo's neck and sighed out, listening to his heartbeat.

"We should really clean up though."

Kylo hummed and then shrugged.

“Later.” He insisted. “Just sit here with me… Let’s just… Not move for three days.”

“Yeah.” Hux murmured. “That sounds like a plan.”


	5. A cherry-scented death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you might have guessed it from the sweeter nature of the past two chapters, but this one is angst with a capital A. I had this chapter planned and knew it was going to happen already when I was still writing the Boy That Witnessed Murder, but now that I finally had to actually write it, it stung a little. I hope it conveys what I wanted it to convey.

"She's dead... Kylo- She's dead... What do I do?"

It was two weeks after that one night in the old city, after they had celebrated their anniversary. They had been living carefully since then, meeting daily in the Old City, but apart from that they watched their every step. Hux especially, he made sure to never travel alone- Had the Citadel watched for possible scouts. Snoke did not seem to act, everything had been quiet. It had been… Until Hux called him in the middle of the afternoon, gasping and reeling. Kylo had been afraid he was in pain at first, that he was wounded- It took him a few moments to realize that Hux had been crying- Hysterically so too. Hux wouldn’t speak, not until Kylo had ushered him several times to tell him what was going on.

"Hux, please calm down. Talk to me."

Kylo tried his best to get through to Hux, but nothing he said seemed to help. It was as if Hux had used every little shred of coherence he had to call him and say only those words. He could only hear Hux’s broken sobs through the phone. Kylo was so worried, no scratch that- He was terrified.

"Please talk to me." Kylo tried again. “Please, Hux… I need you to talk to me.”

"I-I can't d-do this anymore. I-It's too much… Kylo I- It never ends! She was all that I had left."

"Where are you?"

He needed to find him, he couldn’t help him over the phone- He would never be able to get through to him enough to truly make a difference. Even though he didn't what was going on exactly- He knew that it was bad. He needed to be at Hux's side right now, to help him get through this. It took him some time to get the location Hux was at out of him. He was not at the Citadel, Kylo noted.  

"Stay where you are. I'm coming."

He knew the address... Hux's home. He recognized it immediately. What if he was talking about Phasma? He knew how important Phasma was to him... Or had some bastard killed his cat? He could tell that Hux was deeply attached to his pet. He rushed out of the Knights' residence, not bothering with his robes. He only grabbed his jacket and shoes as he ran. He sprinted across the city, running even when his lungs burned. He had to run, he needed to. He did not stop even when it burned. He found the Hux residence-gate unlocked and he hurried to the front door. That one was locked, so Kylo pounded his hand on the door with a flat palm. No reaction. He ran around, finding an open window and climbing through. The house was eerily quiet inside, no sign of Hux or anything out of place.

"Hux!" He yelled out. "Where are you?"

Still no response. Kylo started to open doors, one by one. The rooms were so eerily familiar, it gave him a sort of bitter nostalgia even now, poking through the fear that drove him. He ran up the stairs and continues his search up there. Eventually he threw the door to the master bedroom open. There he was. Hux was sitting on the floor, tucked into a corner, he was no longer sobbing or crying. He was dead quiet, his red-rimmed eyes staring at the body in the chair. Hux's mother... She was dead. Her skin was pallid and her eyes open. In her hand dangled a half-full bottle of vodka.

"Oh Hux... Oh shit..." Kylo just said.

He walked past the body in the chair and slowly sank to his knees in front of his ginger lover, cupping his face in both hands. The look in his eyes was haunting, completely lost, he wasn’t there, not really.

"Hux... Hux please... You must look at me." He said softly.

He had to shake him a bit before Hux finally looked at him. He swallowed hard and looked at Kylo as if he was seeing a ghost.

"I was never the target." He said, softly... Like a whisper.

His nose twitched, the corner of his mouth as well. Something in him had cracked, and Kylo hoped to god that it wasn't shattered.

"Snoke never meant to come for me."

"You don't know if-"

"Smell the bottle."

Kylo stood up and took the bottle from Elana's limb fingers. It smelled vaguely of something that was not alcohol. Cherry-like... A poison.

"Someone laced the bottle." He concluded.

Hux grit his teeth and clawed at his arm, harder this time, nails tearing deep tracks in the skin, the skin splitting open. He did not know what to do with himself. He had cried, he had screamed, and the coil of pain would not loosen. It stayed there, made him tense, made him hurt. He tried to claw it out, tried to curl up and close himself off from this far too cruel world.

"Hux... Hux please- Please don't do that." Kylo pleaded. "Hux-"

"My name is Elan." Hux said, seemingly worlds away. "She named me Elan..."

Kylo sighed and grabbed his hands to still them.

"Hux- Come on, you can beat this... I know you can beat this."

"She named me after herself... And I discarded it like it made me WEAK."

Hux didn't acknowledge Kylo. He didn't react to his touch or his words, his eyes didn't shift, he just sat there. Kylo made sure to shift his body in Hux's line of sight. He could at least make sure Hux wouldn't see the horrid image of his mother anymore. Kylo pulled Hux closer, making sure Hux's forehead would rest on his shoulder so he could see nothing but him and the floor. Hux didn't move- Too pliant. Kylo felt helpless. He hadn't felt this helpless since the day he had seen the death of Hux’s father and brother on the television, but he knew it was worse this time. That time Hux was crying, screaming, angry, but now he was nothing more than a breathing statue. He was immobilised… Gone. He needed to get Hux out of this room, out of this house. Maybe that would help, but Kylo knew with everything Hux had been dealing with this might be the last straw. He bit his lip and shook his head. No! He was not going to think like that. He would make sure he would get his Hux back. He scooped him off the floor and stood up again, taking Hux out of the room before he walked him to his own bedroom. There he set him down on the bed.

"Did you call the police yet?" Kylo asked.

Nothing. Stains from the scratches started to spread in the fabric of Hux's button-down. He was dressed in something easy, neat... He had not been doing work for the Order today. He probably visited his mother more often on this day… A regular meeting every week- Routine. Kylo knew that Hux had a strong connection to his mother- Only solidifying after his father had died and when Elana had soothed everything that had hurt in him- From the bullet-wounds to the pain of losing his family. They were all they had of each other- And Snoke had known that.

"Hux."

Well, there was nothing to begin with him now. Kylo softly held him by both cheeks and kissed his forehead.

"I'll run you a bath, and I'll call the police for you... And then I will call Phasma okay? The two of us will get you out of this, I promise."

Hux simply blinked a few times and then clawed at his wrist again. Kylo huffed and grabbed his hand.

"No." He said, shaking him. "Don't- Just don't do that. Goddamnit."

He picked up Hux's phone and went to dial 911 for him. Hux swallowed then and shook his head.

"No."

Kylo looked up.

"What?"

"No police. Call Moira."

Kylo frowned, but did what Hux had asked anyway. At least he had said some words to him, it was a good sign. It took him two tries before Moira answered the phone. She said she would come as soon as possible after she heard what Kylo had to say.

"She will be here soon."

Kylo turned his attention back to Hux, who was back at staring blankly in front of him. Something was wrong, very wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was something about the way Moira's voice had sounded on the phone or that Hux's mother had no visible injuries at all, the alcohol bottle.... Kylo knew it had been hard on Hux and his mother, but the scene had almost seemed like.... a suicide. Hux's mother would never do that, as long as Hux was still well and alive she would not leave him just like that.

"Come on. Let's give you a quick bath."

He had texted Phasma as well, short and easy.

_"Emergency, come fast, bring Millicent. Hux's house._

_-Kylo."_

With that he had put down the phone and focussed back on Hux. He helped him out of his shirt and pants. Hux didn't struggle back against him, did not move much at all really. Kylo sighed as he pulled off his socks and underwear as well, getting him to his feet and pushing him off towards the bathroom. He was worried when Hux started to tip over towards the left a bit. He seemed drunk in a way. Kylo steadied him and sat him in the tub. He put his bloodied arm in the water to soak clean a bit and sat on the edge of the tub as well.

"What do I do with you?" He mumbled. "Help me. How do I fix this?"

No response. He sighed and then startled when the front door opened.

"Hux!!" Phasma yelled out.

"We're in his room!" Kylo called back.

There was noise as Phasma ran up the stairs, busting in with a few big steps. She ran to the bathroom and looked at them, cat-carrier under her arm and cheeks flushed red as she paused to take in what happened. The moment it got through to her she shook her head, posture softening as she set the basket down.

"Oh no..." She sighed, sounding absolutely dreaded. "Oh no, no... What is this?"

She sat down on the free part of the tub, grabbing Hux's chin and looking into his face.

"Hey, hey... Talk to me." She tried. "We've talked about this."

Kylo swallowed a bit.

"Elana is dead." He murmured. "He called me crying... By the time I got here he was like this."

Phasma turned to him, eyes wide. Hux's mother was dead? That could not be! She was all the family that this poor boy had left... It would- She shook her head and once again turned Hux's face towards her, looking at his eyes with a bit more scrutiny.

"Damn." She huffed. "Tell me you fucking didn't."

Kylo frowned.

"Didn't what?"

Phasma stood and rubbed over her arms.

"Get him out of the bath and into some clothes... Get him to vomit, fingers down his throat if you must. I need to go grab something from my coat."

Kylo frowned.

"Wh- What did he do?"

"He took too much of his meds... He's done it before. It's probably why he's completely out of it... Hurry, it can be really dangerous if they all get in his system."

Kylo's eyes widened. Why hadn't he thought of that? It explained Hux’s complete apathy, the drunk sort of walk. He didn't waste any more time and helped Hux out of the bathtub. He dried him quickly and put him in some close before pushing him towards the toilet. He sat down with him and triggered a gag reaction as Phasma had suggested, scrunching up his nose when Hux convulsed and emptied his stomach. He shivered and groaned, clearly uncomfortable with the feeling, but Kylo made sure he threw it all up before flushing the toilet and sitting Hux up against his chest again.

"Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine."

He stood up and took Hux to his bed, sitting him down on it and holding his arms so he would stay upright. He still looked slow and dazed- Kylo worried Hux may have had too much time already to let those pills kick in.

"Don't we have to take him to a hospital or something? What if too much of the meds got into his blood-stream?" Kylo asked Phasma without turning his attention away from Hux.

"Like I said, he has done this before." Phasma said, holding up a small pen with some liquid in it. "These will break down the chemicals in his medication."

She tilted Hux's head to the side and probed for the jugular before injecting the shot into his veins. Hux let out a soft whine as it stung him. Phasma smiled and slowly pulled it out again. She swiped away the welt of blood and sighed. Hux almost immediately came slumping forward into Kylo's arms.

"Ah- What happened?! What did you do?"

Phasma huffed.

"It's strong medication, aggressive, he just passed out. It's this or a fucking coma, what do you like better?"

Kylo shut his mouth and then sighed.

"Right... I'm sorry. I just- I'm worried."

He put Hux on his side, putting the blankets over his body. Phasma pursed her lips a bit and looked at him.

"You got big." She said eventually. "Not quite the little mouse anymore."

She grinned a bit.

"You should have seen him when he came to tell me about you. He was practically crying- He hadn't been that happy in years."

Her smile withered a bit.

"He will need you. Now more than ever." 

Kylo nodded and brushed his hand through Hux's hair. He was heating up, the beginnings of a fever... Aggressive medication.

"Where is she?" Phasma asked then.

"The master bedroom. She was murdered- Hux is sure of it."

Phasma bit her lip slightly.

I'm sure of it too. I've known her almost all my life. She would have never take her own life- Not while Bran is still alive."

Phasma turned and Kylo watched her leave the room. Kylo looked at Hux then and sighed. Everything had only just been getting better… He had noticed that and he knew Hux had too. He had seen Hux become more happy every day and then this... A few minutes later Phasma walked back into the room.

"Hux asked me to call Moira. She'll be here soon."

Phasma nodded weakly and went to pick up the cat. She had started to wail loudly, wanted out of the carrier. Phasma unlatched the front, watching the kitty bolt out of it, running halfway across the room before recognizing Hux and jumping up on the bed to join him. That cat- She was inseparable from Hux.

"What- What happened the first time?" Kylo dared to ask when the silence dragged.

"Sorry?"

"You said he had done this before. The overdose... What happened that made him- Do that?"

Phasma hummed a bit and sat in the chair at Hux's desk.

"Unamo." She simply said. "Hux sent her squadron off to the Britain Isles to retrieve an important document. It was a lure- None of them made it back."

She rubbed her palms together.

"He didn't sleep for weeks, kept repeating how it was his fault for not seeing through the plot. I told him he should maybe try something to at least sleep. He looked horrible."

Kylo hummed.

"And he interpreted 'something' as taking a higher dose of his medication?"

"He doubled the dose, collapsed in the hallway when he tried to get from the office to his room, spent 3 days in some sort of coma. I thought he wouldn't wake up again."

Kylo shook his head. He didn't know this had happened. He shouldn't have left Hux alone for so many years. Kylo wasn't sure if he should ask, but he needed to know what exactly what had happened to Hux. Hux wouldn’t tell him about it, he would lie so Kylo wouldn’t worry too much- But Kylo needed to know how much damage his Hux had really suffered- How close he really was to breaking.

"And he has never done it again after that?"

Phasma looked away slightly.

"He has never taken so much again, but I will not lie. Maybe I was just being protective, but I stepped in a few times."

Phasma looked at Hux.

"We were lucky we got here in time. It would not have ended well otherwise."

Kylo bit his lip. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Hux again. And this time it would have been forever. He wouldn't have been able to cope with that. He leaned over and kissed Hux on his forehead. He could still feel the blood rush through his ears, his heart had only just calmed down. It gave him half the mind to drain the water from the tub and to bring a few band-aids for the arm that Hux had clawed open. He patched off the cuts and smiled a bit at the sight of his cat curling up against Hux's stomach for warmth. They waited, Kylo insisted to stay until Hux would wake up again. Phasma also lingered around to watch him. Half an hour later Moira arrived. She was a bit flustered from hurrying, but she had brought everything she would need to do forensics. Phasma went and picked her up at the door, then brought her up to speed, telling Moira too about Hux overdosing. She paled at that.

"Oh God... Will he be alright?" She asked.

"I- I think so. I mean, the medication is out of his system... But well- It's his mom. We both know how much he loved her. It's going to be hard to spring back from that."

Moira nodded and then followed Phasma up to the room. When she got there Kylo smiled a bit, sheepishly and greeted her.

"Oh, right... Ben is back." Phasma said then.

The silence fell and then they fell into conversation about what could have happened to Hux's mother. It would be hard to find the one that was guilty. There was very little to be found for evidence. Truth was that they might never truly know what had happened and who orchestrated it all.

"You."

They all turned to the bed. Hux was awake, but he looked dreadful. His eyes were dulled by the drugs that had battled in his body, and he looked haunted, but still- Still he managed to look at Moira with nothing but bitter hate.

"I know what you have done."

"What are you talking about?" Moira asked, her eyes shifting a bit. “You alright?”

Kylo shifted his eyes from Hux back to Moira. He had no idea what was going on, but he could tell Hux was not pleased with Moira's presence at all, although he had asked him to call her instead of the cops.

"Don't you dare deny it."

Hux tried pushing himself up, but Kylo kept him from getting out of the bed. Whatever Hux needed to do, he would do it for him. Hux was in no position to get up and walk. Kylo turned his attention towards Moira, while keeping a light touch on Hux's arm.

"What is going here?"

Moira shook her head, but she seemed nervous, letting out a bit of snort when Hux hissed at her.

"I don't know what he is trying to say."

"LIAR!!" Hux screamed, voice cracking terribly. "Look me in the fucking face."

Moira shifted a bit and shook her head, fidgeting with her braid.

"Look at me damn it!!"

Kylo shushed him a bit, trying to save his voice. It was starting to rasp. Hux had started to cry again.

"Look me in the face, look at what you did."

Moira looked at him then and let out a sob.

"I had no choice! I had to do it, okay? I had to do it! It was her or my husband... My baby girl- They knew everything."

Hux wrenched himself away from Kylo to lunge at her, Moira shouted and ducked, but Phasma caught Hux on her arm, grasping him around the waist before he could reach her. He tried though, clawing at her before he relented, crumbling to the floor as a sobbing mess. Phasma and Kylo both looked at Moira, abhorred. She had killed Hux's mother?

"How- How the fuck could you?!" Phasma said through gritted teeth as she dragged Hux up from the ground to set him back on the bed.

"They would have done it! My husband and my child- I did not want to..."

"You should have come to us! Hux would have protected them with his life. He would have done anything for his family. You killed his MOTHER. Elana- You fucking know what she is to him!"

"I'm so sorry! I was desperate!"

"That's not good enough." Kylo hissed. "No matter how desperate you were, there are no excuses! You should have trusted him to help you!"

Moira seemed to shrink in on herself the longer she stayed in the room. Kylo could not understand why she would choose this, how she could kill her own aunt, her flesh and blood. He had always thought Moira and Hux were like brother and sister, but it seemed she was the person trying to destroy everything what was left for him.

"Where are they now?"

"I-I'm not sure...." Moira murmured as she looked down.

"What?!"

Kylo couldn't believe this.

"You did all this and they might has well have thrown your husband and daughter down a cliff!"

“No! I saw them before I came here. They are safe. They called that they had been dropped off in the middle of nowhere." She immediately exclaimed. "They are on their way home."

Phasma curled up her lip in anger and rubbed over Hux's back, keeping his head against her shoulder. There was no comforting him. Without the medication there was nothing to keep him calm. Kylo could see Phasma hold his hands so he wouldn't claw at his own skin. Kylo pursed his lips and grabbed Moira by the throat.

"This- This is your fault. Look at him, and fucking realize what you destroyed."

He took her by the elbow and took her outside.

"You will turn yourself in. You will take your goddamn responsibility." He hissed. "It will never repair what you did, but you fucking owe it to him- To his mother-"

She shook her head and simply sagged to the ground, crying. Kylo snarled at her and turned away. He couldn't be bothered with this selfish cunt now... Hux would need him. Without looking back Kylo walked back inside. Right now he couldn't care less what she was going to do. If it wasn't for the mess Hux was now, he probably would have pushed her out of a window somewhere- He would have ripped her to shreds… But Kylo was glad he couldn’t. It wouldn’t have relieved the pain- It would have only taken away another piece of family that was so scarce already. Kylo walked to Hux's room, where Phasma was still holding him against her shoulder. He was shaking, needing his hands to do something, needing to feel something else then the pain of loss. Hux seemed like he was completely out of it, like he could only see the image of his mother.

"What should we do?"

Kylo walked to the bed and placed his hand on his back softly.

"I'm not sure. I've never seen it this bad." Phasma was shaking her head. "But I know if anyone can make him feel better, it is going to be you."

She slowly let go of Hux, still holding his wrists even when she had him at an arm's length. She looked pained and worried. Eventually she stood and Kylo took her place instead.

"I will call the police now." She said. "Okay?"

Hux didn't answer her, he just kept blinking the tears out of his eyes, teeth grit with the effort to suppress the heaving sobs. He wanted to stop crying, Kylo could tell, but it just wouldn't end. He simply nudged his head that Phasma could do as she'd said. When she left the room it was quiet again. Kylo sighed and held Hux's face in his hands, staring into his eyes.

"You are strong." He whispered. "You are so strong. All these years- Every time. Someone strikes you down and you scramble back up. You keep fighting- Each time again. And I know... God I know- This time it feels like there is nothing left in that heart of yours."

He felt Hux's hands bunch into his jacket.

"For the love of God though, Hux... This time you can do it too. You can do it for me- For Phasma. We need you so much. I- I need you to live. I have waited for so long to hold you. These past days, they were like waking from a hibernation- And I know that you felt that too."

He kissed him.

"So tell me, tell me how to keep you strong."

Hux looked at him and then lowered his head.

"Just don't let go of me." He said softly. "Never let go of me again."

He pulled Hux closer, embracing him completely, like a cage that was meant to assure Hux that everything was going to be okay again. Kylo didn't know when, but eventually it would be alright. After a while Hux fell asleep in Kylo's arms. He was exhausted- Tired out… But it gave relief at least, to take his mind to someplace less cruel.

"Is he asleep?"

Kylo turned and saw Phasma walking into the room. She looked exhausted herself. He would almost forget she knew Hux's mother pretty well too. It must have been hard on her too, although she did try hard to not let it show.

"Yeah, he was exhausted."

Kylo brushed some strands of hair away from Hux's forehead and adjusted the sheets.

"The police are here." Phasma sighed. "They will start their investigation and will probably take Moira with them."

Kylo nodded and turned to Phasma slightly.

"This is all my fault. If only I had understood what Snoke was planning."

"You can't think like that. No one could have known this would happen."

Phasma sat down on the chair at Hux’s desk, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"I know, but still...." Kylo looked down at Hux. "I can't help but think I should have known somehow."

"We all wish that... Don't we?" Phasma murmured.

She had explained most of what had happened to the police already, and she had made sure that Moira turned herself in. She had hovered behind her like a vengeful wraith, and Moira had been unable to look at her even once, never making eye-contact when she complied. Phasma had heard her tell the officers how she had done it. Elana had suffered depressions for such a long time already. Moira had taken care of her on Hux's request. She had slipped a few tablets of a tasteless poison into the bottle she knew that Hux's mother would be drinking from. The tablets were known to emit the cherry-like scent that Phasma had noticed before. In her confession she said she just wanted to help her out of her suffering. She said that she could have picked something odourless too- But that perhaps subconsciously she wanted to be caught- That she felt like she should not get away with it. She did not tell the cops about her family being kidnapped. She was arrested immediately. So that was that- Hux’s mother was dead, and his cousin would be in prison for the murder… Snoke’s revenge was ice-cold and cruel… And Phasma doubted that this would be the end of it.


End file.
